Let's kick this shit off.
When did we arrive in Mexico City? Exciting, nonetheless.
Ben tells us he feels so lucky because this is the "cultural and political center of Mexico" but we probably won't be seeing any of that on this show. Bachelor Ben 2.0 tells us that he is "very confident" that his wife is in this group of women. Am I as confident as he is? Not really.
The gaggle of gals arrive in their Mexican City Hotel--Casa el Bachelor--and drink to that. But there is not a ton of time for fun because the first date card is resting upon the table. The one-on-one date goes to our favorite cute mom, Amanda.
Olivia is thrilled, of course.
She tells us that there is no way Ben would be interested in Amanda because she has kids. Yikes. Can't wait to see the girls rip her to shreds on the "Women Tell All"
All the women are sleeping peacefully in their grand hotel room in the middle of the night. At 4 am, Ben 2.0 goes to wake the girls up (cruel) more specifically Amanda to retrieve her for their date.
They're all DISGUSTING.
lol NICE MOUTH-GUARDS LOSERS.
Ben says he loves seeing the girls like this and how they're all so naturally beautiful. omg Ben shut up, I love you, you liar.
The only person who looks like they're excited and ready is Amanda...hmm! Coincidence.
They head out to their early AM date, and we find out they will be taking a hot air balloon around Mexico City. That's really great, real great. Ben is very excited to see the historical sites/pyramids/blah blah.
Afterwards, they head out to some Mexican meadow for a picnic where they won't eat. Amanda is nervous to talk to Ben, and open up... and it's weird because I think she may be the only one..
Meanwhile, back at Casa el Bachelor, the women are jealous and trying to recover from their early AM wake-up. The second date card comes: the group date. Jubilee, Becca, JoJo, Caila, Emily, Lauren B, Jennifer, Leah, and Olivia get the date which means Lauren H and her retainer get to go on the one-on-one with Ben 2.0 later on.
Olivia is "really happy" for Lauren H.
I think Olivia is really drinking too much.
Back to Amanda's date.
Rooftop bar time!
Ben showers Amanda with compliments and we all cry. Amanda tells him that she's been through a lot in her past relationships--meaning she was married to her baby daddy. She reveals he was kind of an ass, meaning he was totally an ass. He was jeepin' around her back with other hoes. Poor Amanda :(
I mean, some guys literally cannot settle down, especially at her age. I don't even think that girl is 25 yet. I feel for her, I really do...but unfortunately, I can't say I'm surprised. Finding a man who wants to commit to a family life that young is not easy.
Poor Amanda.
I'm happy that she's come this far, and I hope she goes even further. Obviously, Team Amanda here.
Ben is heart eye emoji, if I've ever seen.
So he gives her the date rose. OBVI.
Next, we go on the group date.
Ben is looking good in a nice black henley.
I could do without Becca's bun/hair down combo situation...btw.
Ben 2.0 takes the girls to a Spanish class to learn the language, which might be hard since half of these people cannot even speak English properly.
The teacher has each of the girls approach Ben and recite a sentence in Spanish -- telling him that they love him. Eugh, weird.
Jubilee is not loving the group date. And she especially is not loving this part. She approaches and says she won't say those words because they don't mean anything when he's been saying it to all the other girls in front of her.
WHOOOA. Rawr!
Olivia, of course, is taking this very seriously.
I don't love this portion of the date. No I do not.
Next, Ben 2.0 takes his harem to a market which makes me assume they'll be doing some cooking. But, of course, this is going to be a competition. The girls will compete to cook the best dish. And I'm assuming whoever wins gets some one-on-one time with Ben...
They get separated into teams.
But because it's an uneven number, someone must partner with Ben, I guess?
That makes sense.
Olivia, of course, is the one to grab him. Jubilee tries to compete and there are a few awkward moments in which Ben must decide between the two. Being the diplomat he is, he totally PUSSIES OUT and to prevent herself from murdering Olivia, Jubilee just resigns the fight. Olivia gets her way.
The girls are not pleased.
Emily says, "Olivia is terrible AND she has terrible breath!"
LOL shots fired.
Meanwhile, back at Casa el Bachelor, Lauren H -boring- gets her one-on-one date card.
Ben notices that everyone is having a great time except for Jubilee.
The chefs try all of the teams dishes. They hate Ben and Olivia's dish. Olivia decided to put a bunch of crickets on it...so that's kind of an issue. JoJo enjoys talking about her taco. I'm sure that's supposed tobe a funny innuendo. Jubilee and Lauren B win for best dish.
The group heads out to, you guessed it, cocktail hour on a roof.
Jubilee decides she wants to grab Ben first tonight.
Ben is doing his usual "thank you all for hanging out with me" shtick. Before he can even finish his toast, Olivia is like, "Ben, I'm going to take your for a minute!"
for about the thirty-fifth time this season.
It's like actually comical now.
Everyone takes their time to make out with Ben. Jubilee is really struggling tonight. She is UNHAPPY with a group date situation in a big way. But that matters not because Ben is spending time with his perfect blonde future wife, Lauren B. They go for a walk and make out. Ominous guitar music plays in the background as Jubilee continues to get angrier and angrier.
Lauren B and Ben stay out, for what seems like forever, so when Ben comes back, the girls are a little feisty. Jubilee finally gets her time with Ben and is saying she isn't like the "Lauren's" or the "Becca's" or the "JoJo's" and I'm not really sure what that means? I mean, I like Jubilee...but this crippling self-doubt is hard to watch. I'm not saying everyone has to be happy all the time on this show. I like Jubilee because of that, but I'm unsure if Ben will ever get what he wants out of her. He wants her to pretend to be happy and be there because she wants to be with him. But to her, her own feelings are important too.
AND THAT IS VERY SHOCKING FOR SOME REASON TO EVERYONE.
Some people just can't be fake like that.
Love her or hate her, at least she's not fake.
Ben is sick of the unhappiness so he tells Jubilee he does not see anything with her. Which sucks because a few weeks ago he was raving about her.
So he sends her home.
Right there.
On the group date.
Yikes.
I'm sorry, Jubilee. I really feel for her.
But she just wasn't into it. Not everyone can be.
She is super upset. Understandably. She says she feels like the "most unlovable person in the world right now."
Chill.
I promise, you'll find love again, Jubilee....
Ben is sad too. The poor victim. Like, I love you, Ben. You're adorable and a good guy but please...
After being gone for hours, Ben returns and tells the girls that Jubilee has left. JoJo "really feels" for Ben. She says she can't imagine how hard it is for him to be "breaking all of these hearts"
*ROLLS EYES TO THE HEAVENS*
JoJo can't wait to comfort him, spouts some bull shit about how much she loves him and respects him and wants to be there for him...ok.
After a quick makeout sesh, Ben is all better!
Jubi-who?
Ben then gives the date rose to someone who he "really re-connected with"...OLIVIA.
GOD, WHY.
Another week with this monster.
Time to go on our snoozefest one-on-one date with Lauren H and her weave.
Sorry I'm distracted and missed half this date because I'm bored.
They're doing some fashion show or something.
Meanwhile, back at Casa el Bachelor, Olivia is living in her glory, sitting comfortably.
Emily is taking this personally.
Lauren B and Amanda aka Ben's Sister Wives, are talking about the seriousness of all of this.
Back to Lauren H's fashion show: she is very scared. I'm sorry I don't mean to be so rude. I know a lot of you probably like Lauren. I just think she and Ben have absolutely no chemistry. He's trying.
Anyways. Off we go to : you're GOT IT ... ANOTHER ROOFTOP DINING EXPERIENCE!
Ben says he appreciates Lauren and how easy she is to talk to. She talks about stuff I guess. He talks about stuff, too..
Lauren talks about her hard break up with a boyfriend of four years because he cheated on her with FOUR other women :O including a friend.
NOT COOL...THAT IS WAY AGAINST GIRL CODE.
Poor Lauren :(
She says that she is now finally ready to open up her heart to love. They have a romantic kiss and dramatic music plays.
You know what is missing?
An awkward private concert?!
It's been a few weeks, Bachelor, I'm disappointed.
However, we've had plenty of helicopters and rooftop bars so I guess so long as there are two of the three then we're good.
I'm ready for this pre-rose cocktail party like you don't even know.
Ben 2.0 wants to make sure he knows everyone is here for the right reason and is being who they really are. -__-
JoJo takes some time to tell Ben that it has gotten "very real" for her "very quickly"
Lauren B basically tells him the same thing. "I could see, like, a life with you. Which is, like, terrifying...like, a life, life."
Can't write this shit folks.
Meanwhile, the girls are talking a bit and Amanda is talking about her ex. Olivia says that her situation reminds her of an episode of "Teen Mom" she's watched.
Whoa there.
Amanda, obviously, takes this offensively. She tells Olivia that's rude. Olivia starts crying and apologizes. She says she wants to "try harder." Olivia, you're already trying way too hard, okay? You're trying too hard to appear somewhat normal.
Emily (twin) has had enough.
She goes to Ben and decides to tell him, no matter if that means she goes home or not. Emily starts crying to Ben about Olivia and how fake she is and rude and psycho.
Ben is "shocked" that Olivia is like this.
COME ON, REALLY.
And who comes to interrupt?
Fucking Olivia.
Ben is really concerned and is now questioning who Olivia is. Well, that's good.
Emily is really emotional about everything. She calls Haley (Twin) and cries even harder. She says this situation is stressful and makes you find out who you really are.
Shit's real.
Ben then decides to ask Amanda what's going on in the house. Amanda knows that it's time to drag. Then Ben begins to really sweat. Jennifer and Ben have tea time, as well. Ben has been "illuminated" then before the ceremony begins he pulls Olivia aside.
EVERYONE IS LIKE "OOH SHIT!"
Well, y'all, we might get what we wish for.
But unfortunately, no Rose Ceremony.
We just get a fucking "To Be Continued..."
UGH WHY ARE YOU PLAYING US LIKE THIS!?!?
So anyways.
No decision is reached as far as the Olivia situation.
Yet, it look like next week there will be A LOT of tears...maybe even from Ben. He stands on the ledge of some cliff over the ocean and I really hope he won't jump.
If I were him, maybe I would. I mean, look at what he's gotten himself into.
Losers of the night:
Jubilee - obviously, had to go home, wasn't feeling it anymore
Olivia - always a loser, as decided last week
Crickets - RIP
Winners of the night:
Lauren H - I guess she shined a bit tonight
Emily - thanks for dragging Olivia, bless you.
Amanda - could be Ben's wife, also, thank you for dragging Olivia, as well. bless you.
Rooftop patios - lets give it up for them
Iowa - CAUCUS still finds its way into prime-time
Number of times "like" was said:
8,000
Number of times I felt uncomfortable:
only 11, but I felt bored about 40 times
Number of emotional breakdowns:
4, probably
Until next time,
Kaitie
xo
No comments:
Post a Comment