Betchy Bachelorette Monday: Andi's Dramatic Finale

If you're still with me, then congratulations...we've made it!
It's time for the final rose/Andi to "FINALLY" get engaged (maybe)
This is a live blog tonight so I'm writing it as I go. Finding everything out as I go...just FYI.



And according to CHarrison, "it's the dramatic event we WON'T see coming"

And I realize I cannot watch this show sober.



Who will she choose?
The dorky yet 'passionate', Average Guy Nick?
Or the guy who probably was a tool you dates in high school, Former MLB Player Josh?





Bachelorette Andi starts off by saying both guys are "totally great guys" and it's going to be a rough choice.
She introduces Nick to her family first, and he bumbles through it awkwardly. AND YAY WE GET TO SEE PAPA HY!
Who we first met last season when he said he totally hated Juan Pablo on Andi's hometown. Oh, how I've missed him.
Andi tells her sister that there is "so much PASSION" and that when he kisses her it's not just kissing. Yeah, Andi...uhm, we know. We've had to endure your 'kissing' Nick for quite some time (9 weeks to be exact)
Nick is super uncomfortable the entire time, but he manages to ask Papa Hy if he can marry his daughter and Hy says yes?!?
Alright.
Well. There we have it.



Next, Andi takes Josh to meet her family. Josh knows that this is "a big deal." LOOK AT THOSE TEETH.
The family has some concerns because Josh comes in, balls out, screaming about how hot and nervous he is.
And I'm not really sure why her family is so disconcerted about him?
He lets her sister know that he's "not like those other guys in Andi's past" and any time a guy says he is "not like the others" that you've been with...is an automatic red flag. Because he usually is, or worse.  I learned that at sixteen...but whatever. What do I know?
Papa Hy takes his time to make final judgement. He is stone cold for the entire conversation with Josh but at the end he turns into a teddy bear and is like "oh yeah it's all about love, I approve of you, let's hug it out"
I like how at the end of the date, Hy jokes "you're one of two of the best guys I've met down here!"
Addressing that, yes, this situation is weird.
Josh is really set on making Andi HIS WIFE. He's so exciting that he is smiling with all of his teeth, and that's a very scary sight. Let me say.




While we're on a commercial break, I'd like to tell you my opinion.
I think both the guys are douchebags.
I think Andi is kind of a douchebag.
And I don't care who she marries/gets engaged to/gives the final rose/whatever to at this point anymore. I'm leaning towards Josh only because I think they match better. That's all.

Just had to get it out there.
Let's get back to business.

Andi and Josh go on their very last date on this journey of love. She takes him on a yacht so they can fuck. No just kidding. They're going to talk. Because that's what they do. They talk on this show. They talk, and talk, and talk...and say the same shit over again...using words like "excited for the future", "love journey", "this is crazy", "I just need more clarity" (yeah no shit you need clarity, you have to choose a husband in a matter of two months)
We should get these people a thesaurus.
I find myself literally dozing off during their conversations because they just go in circles and circles, reiterating the same shit over and over again.
LET'S GET THIS SHOW ON THE ROAD PEOPLE.
Josh ends the date with ... you guess ... no really guess ... you got it ... a letter!
We should've known.
He also makes her a baseball stats card, but like a relationship stats card. It's all very clever.
OH HOW THEY LAUGH AND LAUGH AND LAUGH.
Apparently because he made that for her she decides that "that just solidified everything" for her.
I hate the sound of them smacking lips! LIKE CAN THEY TURN THE MIC OFF?



Do you think Josh would sell you a car? I can see it.
Trish also wants to know: "Did he get those salmon colored pants from JJ?"

We cut back to the studio and CHarrison reminds us for the fourth time tonight that this is the finale, and WHO WILL ANDI CHOOSE? But more importantly...who will have their HEART COMPELTELY BROKEN AND IS DESPERATE TO GET SOME CLOSURE? We'll see later.
Because that's what is important.

Andi next has her last date of the season with Nick, aka the man she won't choose.
No I'm just kidding.
MAYBE.
"At the end of the day I just want to find that clarity" (if I were playing a drinking game with how many times Andi repeats herself in one episode, I'd be in need of a doctor)
She and Nick go off-roading then go for a picnic. Nothing too fancy, typical Bachelor/ette shit.
Nick grumbles and bumbles some more



I've finished the wine bottle at this point. So forgive any misspellings.

"Tonight's a big deal," giggle, "yeah...it's a really big deal" Nick giggles like a little girl.

Nick holds up his glass and cheers "This is to our last date...hopefully not our last date"
Andi: "I like that!"

What?! Is she even listening to him?
He just keeps mumbling...does anyone know what the fuck he is saying??
Apparently, he is getting cold feet...even though he doesn't know if the rose is his or not. I'm not really sure why this is happening when Nick has literally been talking about winning since he got the FIR in ep 1.
He gets over that fear quickly.

Apparently he is reassured that Andi will choose him by all the signals she is throwing his way. I don't know what the signals are because I'm not seeing them...but again, what do I know about love? Not much.
"I never thought I would meet a guy like Nick: a smart, sophisticated guy from Chicago..with such PASSION! He's everything I've been looking for in a man."
Really?
Alright.


For his gift, Nick gives Andi a little necklace he made with sand from their date in a small bottle. It's kind of cute. Cuter than a fucking baseball stats card? Probably.

The morning of the 'final rose', Andi walks around in a silk robe and a lace nightie around the grounds of the resort they're filming at. Meanwhile, Nick and Josh each take turns opening up the blinds of their hotel rooms...did I mention both are shirtless?
Nick looks like he is waking up the morning he knows he is going to MURDER SOMEONE.
Seriously...the look on his face really alarmed me in this scene.
Meanwhile Josh says he loves Andi "more than anything in the world" and I just don't know if I can logically figure that one out.

The final two men each take turns picking out a ring. Neither of Josh's intense eyebrows or any of his teeth can decide on which ring to get. He chooses this gigantic monster of a diamond ring. That Andi will probably love because she's southern.
Kidding, kidding! (sort of)

Anyways...next...things get wild.
Nick is innocently waiting for his Neil Lane appointment in his hotel room when Andi comes a-knockin'
"Can I talk to you?" she asks.
COMMERCIAL BREAK. ohhhh my God, what is happening?!!?
"This is taking....a dramatic turn...." - CHarrison, in the live studio. Asks former contestants like Crazy Clare and Farmer Chris what might happen. Although, I think we all already know. Neither of them give straight answers, but at least I get to see the Chris's talk, which is lovely.
But come on, can we get this show on the road here?
This is agony.
And so many commercials.

Andi says she just wanted to "come chat" with Nick. If he was a nervous mess before this, I'm sure he is now. She says she woke up in the morning and "something wasn't right" then she starts crying, and he is completely dumbfounded.



So instead of dumping him on an altar made of flowers in front of millions of people, she dumps him in private, yet still in front of millions of people.
I almost feel bad for him because he is sooooo shocked, like he doesn't even know what to say.
She is so full of shit. She says on their last date she 'couldn't relax' but if you rewind the episode and watch the date, she was acting so happy and carefree and kissing him and talking about the fucking passion and shit.
She's terrible!!! I mean, honestly.
Nick confronts her and says he doesn't understand how she could look at him the way she did and act the way she did, and now she's saying they don't have a connection and stuff. She just nods and cries and apologizes, because she is an actress.
I'm sorry, but she is.
This entire time....
You'd think she loves all of them, but what do we really know?
Annoying.
But Nick really wasn't the one for her, IMO. Feeling a little bad for the cocky little nerd, a little.



To fit the mood, it begins storming.
Wow, the producers have so much power!



Andi is so depressed about this whole thing, it's hard to believe this is the day she's getting proposed to. AMIRIGHT?

Nick is completely "hurt" and mumbles about it while trying not to cry on the car ride home.

We cut back to the live audience and they all look so sad about this...and it's so quiet you would think something truly tragic just happened.

I love how CHarrison is like "will thie end well, or will it end in heartbreak?"
Um, obviously it will end well because Josh has been freaking out all night about how in love with Andi he is...and Andi has eliminated all of his competition.

Andi says how "scared" she is. Josh proposes and says all the cliche/cheesiest lines I've ever heard in any movie ever. I can't even believe that this could be real....
It's so extremely cheesy.
He even has this weird like...accent thing? I can't describe it.
Andi finally admits her love to him, and they kiss and this is all so INSANE. I LOVE IT.
Eugh he's sweating so bad! Completely drenched like he just played one of his baseball games.

Is it just me or are their kisses louder than anyone else's ever have been in the entire world?
I AM VOMMITING.
Josh: I love you
Andi: I know
Josh: I love you so much
Andi: I love you
Josh: I love you, oh my gosh, I love you
(repeat x45)

Josh:



AFTER THE FINAL ROSE....

We start off the night with a little quick congrats to Andi and Josh, and then straight on to Nick. They show a video of him walking the cold streets of Chicago completely alone, but at least he has his stylish fashion scarf.
Nick is all like "I am heartbroken, I need closure, and I need her to know that I still love her...and she's going to know how I feel."
LIKE A CREEP.
So apparently, he goes to the Men Tell All asking to meet with Andi, and Andi shoots him down like 'hell no'
BUT WAIT. There is a backup plan. Nick provides...GUESS: A LETTER.
The season of letters is not over yet, my friends.
And even though his time on the show is over, Nick still manages to make this shit about him.
Nick, I promise you will find love. There are all kinds of American women who now know who you are and for some reason really like you!
Never fear.
He keeps talking about how blindsided he was. I mean, come on...he couldn't have been THAT confident! There were still two men at the end of the competition...one had to go. Don't you think you'd have, like, maybe at least SOME doubt?
(my dad walks through the room at this point: "Come on dude, you lost, get over it")
Nick talks to us about the process of his breakup...like none of us know what a break up is like.
He begins to choke up again, and it's uncomfortable because Harrison is like "okay, we're going to give you a chance to talk to Andi"
UM NO I DON'T WANT THEM TO TALK...I do not feel comfortable watching a grown man cry on live television...it makes me uneasy!

BUT FIRST!
Let's take a look at this season's Clorox: Most Bleachable Moment! *WINK*
Like wtf?
Talk about weird timing...

So they bring Andi out, and she's dressed in all white, looking like a bride. She awkwardly hugs Nick like the fake she is. CHarrison is like "shit I need a new career, please God let Bachelor in Paradise be the end of this nightmare..."
Eugh, so they bring Andi out to have this 'talk' with Nick in which he just bumbles and mumbles more on live television. Acting very uncomfortable.
He's been desperately trying to see her for months, and all of the sudden he is completely speechless.
THIS IS SO PAINFUL.
God, I am sweating, like almost at a Josh level...
I'm not even there.
How is Harrison handling this right now?
"If I could do it over again, I would've done everything I did with Nick." -Andi....OKAY? That's the bitchiest thing ever. Basically she just said that her relationship with the other guy was way better, but that doesn't mean her feelings at the time weren't real.
THAT IS HARSH...THAT IS COLD. Jesus.
I need some ice water or something. I feel like I am going through this breakup endlessly.

OMG!!!!



He just asked her why if she wasn't in love with him she 'made love' to him
JUST ADMITTING ON NATIONAL TELEVISION....that they fucked.
In the fantasy suite.
And now we all know.
And now Josh knows. And I'm reallllly curious as to how the rest of this reunion show will go.
This is NUTS!!!!



Wtf is happening?
Like isn't this stuff supposed to be private? So anyways, Nick says that...on national TV, which is pretty weird and shitty...and then Andi gets all sassy and you know what happens next.
CHarrison tries to clean things up nicely, but nothing is resolved, and now everyone is just sweating...but mostly me.
I need to re-shower after this episode! I'm so uncomfortable!
He says he didn't mean to hit "below the belt" but then what the hell was he doing?? What kind of guy would bring that up? He's just trying to start shit....
And is anyone surprised?
Great job, producers. You've made an excellent decision letting this bastard have his half hour of feelings revealed to us all.

Is Nick about to kill everyone?


I can't help but wonder: What does Juan Pablo have to say about this?
This may be a worse/more uncomfortable situation than his season's AtFR.



Alright. Get him off the stage.



Time to be happy again.
Let's bring Josh out...?
They're really gross and PDA-ish. Not shockingly since they're so annoying.
CHarrison asks them what they want to do now that it's real.
They say they can't wait to just let the dogs out together. Josh is really excited to golf with Papa Hy.
You know, normal, boring shit.
No late night, candlelit dinners in French castles?
Damn.
SNORE.
Josh is all over her, rubbing her and being his cheesy self. I can't even believe. They're like Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes: The Oprah Couch Days
Apparently, they have no qualms about discussing their sex life either. Which is only a little bit weird considering we just found out Andi also screwed Nick. Oh my.

They do a little segment where they make fun of Andi's frown. It's all very fun. They bring out grumpy cat. Yeah, it's all funny and great.
Can we please find out that Chris is the next Bachelor now?

WAIT.

CHarrison just said "goodnight everybody, can't wait to see you next week for Bachelor in Paradise"

But...
What about the next Bachelor!?
ARE YOU SERIOUS?



It's Farmer Chris, right? It HAS to be.



This is very upsetting. What a weird finale special.

Well congrats Andi...I hope you have a great love life with Josh being douchebags!

Until next time,

Kaitie
xo

Betchy Bachelorette Monday: Men Tell All

Well, we've finally made it. To the 'Men Tell All'.
Verrrrrry exciting shit.



Sorry I've been MIA the past two weeks. I don't always have time to sit around and write a blog. But never fear, I'm back to not having a life again and now all four of you can have something to read again while you're browsing through facebook late at night.

They tease Andi's pregnancy right away, which means the rumor is absolutely not true.
Tonight the men will all be bitching for an hour and a half in front of a live studio audience, so let's try and pace ourselves. But the best part will definitely be the audience members who are sure to be awkward and very, very interested in what is happening.



CHarrison starts off the night by bringing out one of the only successful couples in Bachelor/ette history, JP and Ashley. JP is very sweet and adorable and Ashley is SHOCK pregnant! So many babies! And another shock CHarrison drops the bomb that we will be doing A LIVE ULTRASOUND.



Which is, you know, great and all but some of the audience members, one woman in particular look verrrry uncomfortable. I wish I had a screen shot of this moment, because this lady was FREAKED.

The ultrasound tech is super awkward, and I am wondering if anyone told this guy he was going to be on live television. It takes him about forty-five minutes, but he finally finds out that Ashley and JP are having a boy! Woo! Congrats!

Now on to the juicy, annoying stuff.

CHarrison introduces us to Bachelor in Paradise which looks like the Bachelor's version of Jersey Shore/Paradise Island (does anyone remember that show???) in which old contestants from the show get together and HOOK UP.
I CANNOT WAIT!!!!!!!!!! New Blog?


PS I really can't wait till this show is over so we don't have to endure those terrible Suave Bachelorette commercials. GOOD LORD.




They introduce us to all the guys, and they're all wearing scarves, and I AM DEAD. Rolling in my own tears right now.
CHRIS YOU ARE GORGEOUS.
Marquel's got a cookie pin on his lapel. Could he be any more perfect?
We waste no time getting down to business to defeat the huns.
We re-hash the racist, Andrew thing. Marquel handles it with class. Andrew tries to defend himself and calls Marquel 'Ron' which is super awkward considering Ron is the only other black man on the show. Andrew denies it again, then CHarrison brings up the video and Andrew clearly whispers something to JJ. JJ claims that Andrew definitely said the black guy comment. Then people start attacking JJ and it all gets way too out of control. JJ looks like he might cry, and I feel sort of bad.
Andrew says he "completely" understands what Marquel is feeling...which I find comcical considering Andrew is a swarmy white guy salesman.

But hey.
What do I know?

We come back from commercial break and Harrison is ready to interview Marquel in the hot seat. JJ interupts, saying he needs to get "something off his chest" first. He apologizes saying maybe he should have done things differently, blah, blah. I don't really know why he is still harping on because he did enough gossiping on the show. God Bless his heart though, he looks genuinely sad. The guys don't want to hear it though. Farmer Chris calls him out and CHarrison goes back to his interview with Marquel.
They replay Marquel's emotional goodbye and the women in the audience are shown weeping.
Oh, calm down.
He's going to be fine.
He's going to be on Bachelor in Paradise where he is...sure...to find love.
Marquel ends his interview by giving out cookies. Perfection.

Harrison brings up Marcus next saying that his leaving was one of the most heartbreaking moments of the season but I think of it more as a 'relief of creepiness'
Marcus is also one of the only Bachelorette contestants to claim his love for someone within, like, four days of knowing them.
How could he think that she loved him back when she gives him that puppy dog noise of pity every time he says it?!
"You were everything for me," says Marcus in the flashback.
He really cannot turn down.



They cut back to the studio and Marcus is tearing up. The audience wastes no time "Awwwwe-ing"
I do like the idea of Marcus saying 'if you love somebody, tell them everyday'...THAT I am all for...but falling in love in a few days on a reality TV show? Eh...
His feelings I'm sure are real because he seems crazy like that but CHarrison lets us know that he will be on Bachelor in Paradise...NEVER FEAR LADIES WHO LOVE MARCUS! You'll get to see him a few more weeks on primetime abc.

CHarrison: Well, America has fallen in love with Chris.



YES, YES THEY HAVE. So much so that I want to be on your stupid show for once, Chris Harrison.
So they play a flashback and I fell in love all over again when he steppe dout of that limo on day one. Then they show his heartbreak all over again when Andi denies him.
And I am so in love with him. She has made  HUGE MISTAKE.
CHarrison tells Chris that Andi said his hometown date was "by far her favorite" so I'm sure that makes whoever her fiance's family may be feel really good.
THEN THIS BEYOND AWKWARD THING HAPPENS.
This random psycho is the audience stands up and is like "um, excuse me Chris?" and all the guys are like 'wtf is happening?'
Harrison lets this rando come down to the stage and meet my future husband, which I find quite rude, and we think she's going to say something totally ridiculous .. but all she does is ask 'So are you going to marry someone from your hometown?'
WHAT?!



That was the epic question you wanted to ask, random audience lady?
I'm glad that I'm not the only one shocked by this moment, as the other women in the audience looked really pissed (that they didn't do it first)
Harrison asks this girl what she is going to do now and all the guys are like "kiss! kiss!"
Which is, you know, uncomfortable. Since we all know Farmer Chris is most likely the next Bachelor and already had a slew of girls who have tried out to be his wife. (myself included)
Needless to say, Chris is a gentleman and they do not kiss.
I'm at home, alone, and I'm still so so so uncomfortable.

Next they bring Andi out and we can only hope to get some questions answered, like she always seems to want herself.
She basically just reiterates everything she's harped on about forever on the show...





CHarrison gives each of the final guys a chance to ask a question.
When Marquel gets his question she goes "awwww, my cookie monster" and omg I want to pass out because she's so annoying.


Harrison introduces that Chris guy (the 35th Chris) that popped up in episode one trying to get on the show, who is sitting in the audience, to Andi. The guy really wants to come down and meet Andi like that random crazy woman did for Farmer Chris. But Harrison is like "NO STOP, SECURITY"
and, like, we all know he is not kidding which is hilarious.


Lucky for Thirsty Chris, he will get to go on Bachelor in Paradise, so he lives to see reality television another day.
PS I am annoyed with myself at how much I used the name 'Chris' in that last paragraph...

Harrison then asks Andi if she is or isn't pregnant. She denies the rumors, as we all knew she would.
He then brings out the lie detector results.
We find out that Marcus, Dylan, and JOSH(?!?!) were lying.
Dylan apparently lied about preferring brunettes.
When asked if he likes blondes he simple said: "Yeah"
Andi was offended which is odd since she didn't even like him.
Marcus lied about sleeping with less than 20 women.
That's nice.
Andi does NOT want to see Josh's results, which makes me think she picks him to be her husband next week...but we'll see.

Then we get to watch some fun bloopers which make me laugh, even though I thought this entire season has been (mostly) a blooper.

We then recap the 'relationships' between Andi and Josh and Andi and Nick. And it's all so great and the music is so epic blah blah blah.



ANYWAYS.
A pretty weird, awkward, and kind of annoying episode of Men Tell All.
No surprise here.

Winners:
Josh and Nick. Obvious.
Farmer Chris...the ladies love him.

Losers:
JJ, I guess everyone hates you?
Andrew, always.
Tasos, Patrick, Ron, and other irrelevents who didn't get to talk at all.

Hottie of the week:
I'm giving this to Marquel with that cookie lapel pin.

Until next time (THE FINALE),

Kaitie
xo

Betchy Bachelorette Monday: Episode 7

Hey everyone! As you can see I've changed the name of the blog to 'Just Keep Dancing.' It's dumb, but I'm trying it out, okay? Also revamped the look because this blog is way too cluttered.

This week we're in Brussels, Belgium! Home of the best sprouts and waffles...EVER.



Bachelorette Andi is taking this week V.V. seriously because next week is hometown dates and she isn't about to into just ANY man's home and meet his family. Only the four men she loves. NBD.

So the men arrive and Dylan is rocking the man-bun today, so props to him. A few men decide to try for the scarf look, again, this week. They waste no time talking about they're all falling for Andi.

Special delivery: BOOM HERE I AM, CHARRISON.



Chris Harrison informs them that this week is "pivotal." Everything gets serious. Nick makes sure everyone knows he takes this seriously and he also thinks that he is number 1.



Needy Marcus gets the first one-on-one of the week, much to the others' chagrin. (PS I didn't realize so many of you people like Marcus...??) Andi lets us know that she has liked him "very much" since earlier on. Andi says that she is concerned that Marcus was planning on maybe leaving the competition when he realized he didn't want to compete with a bunch of other dudes for her affection. She says she wants to make sure that he is the type of guy that will "stick with her, through thick and thin" even if she is kissing six other men. They spend some time walking through the streets of Brussels.

Marcus tells Andi that she--I mean he--has been journaling. A lot. Mostly about her.



He tells her he wanted to leave because he was so afraid of how strongly he was feeling for her so quickly.
I'm not saying Marcus isn't attractive. I am saying that even attractive men can be very, very creepy. OKAY?
just my opinion though.

Andi says that their dinner is "Very Fancy" as opposed to all the other one-on-one dinners which have been, you know, subpar. (I'm speaking to you, castle in Italy!)


Marcus is nervous to tell Andi about his family. Aren't we all?
So he opens up about his dad leaving his family. Andi listens with her usual pouty face. Marcus really delves in and basically tells Andi that his mother was abusive to him, but they're better now. And honestly, that is quite sad. :( Poor Marcus.
This might explain his quickness to needing love and compassion from Andi.
Andi goes as far as to say that Marcus is "a man...a total package man"
Marcus tells us that Andi is his soulmate.



So things are definitely in Marcus's favor, right now.

Next, Josh gets the second one-on-one date. The other guys are sour about it. Josh is pumped about "Ghent-ing it on"
Cheesy sex jokes are always hilar.

Marcus gets back from his date, pretty pumped, talking about how meaningful the dates are now. Nick is unhappy. He decides to take matters into his own hands, like the Software Salesman that he is. He goes down to the lobby, claims to have forgotten his room key, and his room number, and tells the concierge that the room is under his wife's name, 'Dorfman.'
The desk clerk doesn't even question the fact that there are cameras watching them at all, or the fact that some random man is asking for a room key to a woman's room in a five-star resort hotel.
Things sure are different in Belgium.
I blame the complimentary waffles.

Nick is 'taking a shot' by going to knock on Andi's door. If that's what we call unwanted sexual advances now-a-days, then fine.
Andi seems to really like it though. She greets him with a huge smile, asking if anything is wrong. Obviously, she thought he was coming to tell her he was leaving or something. Which I think we were all actually hoping for. But we know better. Nick wants to win--I mean, he wants Andi's hand in marriage?
They go for a walk and Andi says she feels "Somewhat guilty" but that she is also here for herself and to find love, so whatever. YOLO!
Andi says if she had to use one word to describe Nick: "passion"
So they spend the remainder of their time sucking face.



Reeling off of two men who can't seem to stop telling her how much they love her, she goes out with Josh, who has yet to tell her that she is his soulmate. So naturally, Andi is very concerned with this.
She wants him to open up to her more, basically.
Which I get considering there's only a few weeks left of the show and she needs a hunky husband.
Josh says he is feeling deep feelings for Andi but he doesn't know how to handle them because he has never dated a woman who is dating five other men before.
So you be the judge on who is right in this situation.
I'm just trying to remind myself that this is reality television and who the fuck knows if there even is a moral code for this kind of situation.
OKAY so like...I don't love Josh. I feel like there is something he is not saying. And I get Andi's reservations. But if you put Josh against Nick...Josh wins, hands down. Nick is sneaky, and just because he tells Andi he wants to be her husband does not mean he actually cares for her.
I do think Josh cares for Andi, I think it's not as natural to him to compete with other men for a woman's affection...let's be honest...he's probably never had to do it before.
He is very hesitant to tell Andi his feelings. When she asks him what he will tell his parents when they ask how he feels about Andi...Josh finally comes out and admits that he is falling in love with Andi. Andi is shocked by this. (even though she's been basically threatening to send him home if he didn't say it)
Is Josh a good guy? I don't doubt it.
Do I think this is how he should be finding a wife? Absolutely not.
They do a quick make out session before going to yet ANOTHER PRIVATE AWKWARD CONCERT. Wow!!!



This is the season of letters, and the season of awkward private concerts, man.

The group date starts. Andi takes the remaining four: Dylan, Brian, Chris, and Nick to the countryside of Belgium. Chris looks so absolutely beautiful that I'm having a hard time summarizing the rest of this date.
Andi makes the guys pedal her down some railway and it's actually kind of funny. These men are sweating (no shock) but Nick can barely contain the fact that he is actually having some fun on a group date. As much as he hates to admit it, he clearly is.
Brian, as usual, makes the best out of the situation and lightens the mood. Although, for an athletic coach he sure is panting a lot. Maybe it's all for show.
PS Can you imagine if Juan Pablo made women pedal him down a railway because I can and it's hilarious.


Andi takes the boys to a monastary.
With monks.
How romantic.
Andi takes Chris, her secret admirer, to make some pottery. And he is looking very good in his denim shirt and I am completely in love with him.
Andi informs the guys that she is giving out the rose to someone and the other three men have to go back to the hotel. God, please don't be stupid and give the rose to Chris. I want to see more of him, always.
Brian is so nervous and actually quite cute. He claims that "Nick thinks he's smarter than everyone else. He's smarter than me, but I don't respect him."
Awe, Brian! Don't cut yourself short.
Just because the guy sells software doesn't mean he's a boy genius, okay?
Chris gets angry because Nick is all about the game and strategizing and isn't here for the right reasons. He probably isn't. All he does is talk about how great he is and how he is going to be the number one pick for the draft.
Brian opens up to Andi and tells her that he is falling in love with her. She responds with her 'cool girl' attitude meaning she basically dismisses him by poking fun at him a little bit...which is so rude! Brian: I...I am falling in love with you.
Andi: Oh yeah?
Brian Yeah...
Andi: Is that what you would tell your family on the hometowns?
Brian: Yes.

LIKE GET OVER YOURSELF ANDI.
That's so sad. Brian is so sweet, and the poor guy doesn't stand a damn chance of making it to next week, you guys. Brian also says he is confident that he could treat Andi better than Nick does. And I agree. I think any guy there could treat Andi better than Nick could. BTW Nick totally jacked Josh's blue scarf from last week.
Did anyone else notice this?



It's clear Andi is in love with Nick though...and it's extremely frustrating to watch. Especially when she gives Nick the rose.

Dylan, Chris, and Brian all walk away, walking and looking the exact same. And why do they all have to sit in the backseat together? Dylan has to sit bitch, which I find funny. Wish he still had his man bun in right now. Chris is very sweet as usual and says that every single guy here is better off with Andi than Nick is. (mostly himself, tbh, but that is nice of him to say)
When the guys get back to the hotel, they all talk shit about Nick together. Meanwhile, Nick is working his awkward 'charm'
Andi tells Nick she has one little surprise and he has to follow her.
Wait, I feel like I've heard this before?
IS THIS ANOTHER AWKWARD PRIVATE CONCERT?
Because no fucking way.
Okay, it's just a private firework show.
No big deal.

So Nick gets back from the fireworks and the boys are all talking mad smack. He has the nerve (ballsy) to sit down right in the middle of them all. They are all quiet for twenty seconds too long. Brian breaks the silence by confonting Nick about his attitude.
They tell him that he has been talking about strategy more than he has been talking about Andi. Chris steps up to plate and tells Nick that he has been over analyzing every possible outcome and even talking about who would be the next Bachelor. Newsflash: it won't be fucking Nick, even if he loses, women in America don't like that scarf on him, okay?
#TEAMIOWA



Nick assures everyone once again that he is there for the right reasons.
So that's all we can do about that.

Can we get to the rose ceremony? Please, for the Love of God..this episode is dragging.

So we finally get to the cocktail party. Andi shows up looking gorgeous in a black ball gown with crystals on it and stuff.
Every guy takes their turn giving their "one last shot" speech.
Nick decides that even though he has a rose, and even though he knows he is a front runner, he is going to steal Andi away from Brian. And she lets him. At this point, I'm just whatever.
Obviously no one's feelings matter but her's...so let's continue.
PS Has anyone noticed that when she kisses a guy she sticks her bottom lip way out first? It's odd.
Nick tears up while talking about her and I'm really overcome with Nick in this episode. In the words of Andi, he has completely exhausted me tonight.
Chris needs to make one final move and takes Andi to kiss her. (why can't that be me?)

Roses go as follows:
1- Josh, no shocker there
2- Marcus, again, no shock
3- Chris, WOOOO TEAM IOWA!



Thus sending Dylan and Brian home.
It's hard to watch them go because Dylan and Brian were very 'neutral good' throughout the entire process. Dylan has really flown under the radar with the exception of his man bun. But that's the problem, and he admitted it himself...he couldn't open up fast enough. Most normal human beings cannot. We're not all like Marcus who says he loves someone after a week.
Brian was hard too because he was such a sweet guy, like the kind of guy that your friend dates and you're like "wow okay, I can find a good guy too! they do exist!" So Brian, my dear, good luck :(

Next week's episode looks really, really intense. Hometowns are always dramatic because there's always going to be an ass hole inlaw.

So we'll see.

PS If Andi doesn't pick Chris and if Chris is the new Bachelor, I've made a promise to put an application in. Because I'm hashtag team iowa.

Winners of the Week:
Unfortunately, Average Guy Nick V. took home the win this week. She's definitely in love with him. Although, Needy Marcus won by opening up to Andi about his emotional home life. Josh for finally admitting his true feelings, even if it was kind of by force.

Losers of the Week:
Dylan and Brian :(

Hottie of the Week:
Giving it to Farmer Chris because he can rock a denim shirt.

Until next time,

Kaitie
xo

Betchy Bachelorette Monday: Episode 6

Hello everyone.
Let's cut the crap, and get to it.



This week we're in Venice, and we are not messing around.
The gents show up on some speed boat, ready for the party, in various scarves.
Cody is determined to get the one-on-one this week and I cannot believe we're still taking him seriously.
Andi is "so excited" to be here and it is "so romantic" and "unbelievable."



Music gets serious, no date card, Andi is calling the shots right to your face, right now...THIS INSTANT. Cody gets DENIED and she gives the first one-on-one to Average Guy Nick V. Eugh.
Cody is verrrrry upset as he is the only one who hasn't gotten a one-on-one thusfar. I don't really blame him. He says he feels as if he is the pet dog of the group, and drug along. Well, if the shoe fits...
Awe, no Cody, I'm only kidding.
But at least the hotel is absolutely gorgeous. The travel and nice hotels are the only reason I would go on this show. That, and the dozens of bulky men vying for my love and attention.
Anyways. On to Nick.
They walk around Venice together and feed pigeons and stuff.


Bachelorette Andi claims she is taking Nick on the date only because she needs "some questions answered" because she heard about the shit he is stirring in the house. But what does she actually think Nick is going to say? We all know he's only going to feed her the bull shit she wants to hear. He's had time to think about it...so...I don't know what she's trying to do here?
Apparently Andi still really likes how "upfront" he is with her and decides to forgive him of being a complete douchebag.
So they're on this gondala and Andi is thirsty for a kiss, which obviously he gives to her under some good luck bridge or something, and she feels "absolutely resolved" yet directly follows that statement with "I have so many questions I need answered from Nick."
Okay, honey, that means things aren't absolutely resolved. Just letting you know. You don't have to talk just to make sound.
OH MY GOD if she says "romantic" or "unbelievable" or "I definitely still have questions that need to be answered" one more FUCKING TIME...
Andi straight up asks him if he thinks he is a front runner. Nick responds, in more words, yes.
Nick tells her that he can "confidently say" that he is falling in love with her.
Of course, Nick finds some nerdy euphamism for the masks they wear to the "masquerade" ballroom...(rolls eyes emoji) says he is unmasking his true feelings to Andi blah blah blah
#vomit



Before the group date can take place Bachelorette Andi gets her third secret love letter (I only remember one other one? Maybe I'm wrong) from the SA. Who we all know is most likely Needy Marcus.
So the boys show up, looking good. PS JJ, you're looking very good. Even in weird pants, I'd do you.
They do what every normal group of American, red blooded men, enjoy doing and go watch a creepy puppet show? Along with dozens of Italian children.
Next, they go into some torture chamber. Which doesn't sound romantic, but it sure is sexy. *WINK*
Andi brings in some mobsters to do a lie detector test.
SEXY!!!
Farmer Chris says he has a secret he needs to tell her.
#IAmNervous because #ILoveChris because #TEAMIOWA
Josh is prettttty nervous/sweaty about this test. I'm pretty sure, for some reason, Andi really doesn't trust him. So maybe this is the reason he is so nervous. I don't blame her for not trusting him. There is no WAY THAT GUY HASN'T HAD SEX IN FIVE YEARS.
"Are you here for the right reasons?"
"Do you prefer blondes over brunettes?"
"Have you slept with more than 20 women?" (Dylan says 'yes'...WHAT?!)
ASKING THE TOUGH QUESTIONS
Dylan goes home because he feels "sicky"
Which means he knows he lost the lie detector test game.




ATTENTION ATTENTION FARMER CHRIS IT THE SA!!!!
OMG YOU BEAUTIFUL, CUTE, ADORABLE MAN!
I love him. I love him. Yes, I do. I am so glad it's not Marcus. AHHHH. This is the best possible outcome!
As we learn this, I am totally freaking out and my dad walks in, thinking there is something wrong.
When I tell my dad that my favorite guy is the one who has been writing Andi love notes he just dead pans me "how romantic" then proceeds to ask me if these men "have any testicles."
My father also continues to make fun of Andi, saying she is obsessed with trust even though she is the one making out with different guys every hour.
"Trust in trust, and trust is everything to me. Trust is trust, this is a world of trust. I want to trust."
Alright, thanks for the input dad.
I can never watch this show in his presence ever again.

Wait, so Andi doesn't even want to look at the results?! She just ripped them up???
WHAT?!
That's some bull shit.
So you make these guys sweat it out?
I would at least keep them to read for later in the bubble bath back at the hotel or something!!! Come on, Andi!!!!
What a spoilsport.



At the cocktail party, Basketball Brian pulls Andi aside first and gives her his own little adorable lie detector test. It's all very cute and kind of pointless.
Marcus takes her aside next and says he doesn't know how to handle the other guys there, sounding like a fucking murderer. Like he might kill them all to eliminate the competition. Marcus tells her he is in love with her, again. EUGH. Tells her that he thought about leaving because he "can't handle it" but that "she was worth staying." How nice.
Meanwhile, Josh, JJ, and Chris are talking about the secret admirer. JJ and Josh are totally shit talking the guy, while Chris is just kind of like laughing and nodding...CLEARLY THE SA. Like, we should've all seen this before.
Josh and Andi have their time together. Josh informs her that he didn't like or appreciate the lie detector thing because of how important trust is. He feels like she was targeting him with the test, I guess. Andi acts blindsided, doesn't understand why he is so upset about the lie detector test. Because if the roles were reversed, she'd be totally fine with someone LD testing her...
yeah.
PS Josh, I don't KNOW about that scarf right now, bro. Meaning, I hate that I love it.



Andi starts crying for no reason, typical.
Chris takes Andi aside and acts all nervous and cute as he admits he is indeed the one who is the secret admirer. She says "I KNEW IT!" but like, I don't think she did. I think we all honestly thought it was Marcus. Even her.
She gives the date rose to Chris for being AMAZING.
Andi then peaces out because she's very tired from all the stress.
Yet, all the guys stay? I didn't know they stayed after..?
JJ says that he is not actually happy for Chris getting the rose, and that this is a competition and how this needs to be more serious. WOMP WOMP.
looks like someone has been drinking a little too much champagne....
Brian is like "can't we all just get along and just focus on Andi?" and JJ shoots him down.
Chris steps up to plate and tells JJ to stop being such a whiney, competitive little bitch.




AND I LOVE IT.
Chris and Brian win, always.



Next we travel to  the beautiful Verona with Bachelorette Andi (who is soooo drained from last night's group date #sorryforyou) and Cody.
Andi says she has been waiting to take Cody on a date basically because she doesn't take him seriously, but in nicer words.
Cody is very verrrryyy pumped to be there.


They go to visit Juliet's courtyard, and of course, Cody takes the opportunity to act out a scene of Romeo and Juliet...well, sort of, in very modern language.
They go to answer some letters from hopeless romantics around the world written to Juliet. Which is actually really, really cute to me.
Too bad I can't stop thinking about that terrible Amanda Seyfried movie about this...
Cody steps up today and I feel pretty bad about calling him Roided Macklemore all those times.
Well, only a little bad.
Although Cody decides to use the 'underdog' angle, which you know is BS because he definitely beat up kids on his bus back in the day.
What I proclaim "the season of letters" continues at dinner when Cody writes Andi a letter. Which is actually pretty cute.
Andi ruins it by being obnoxious and going "Awwwwwe!" really loud.
And then.......
Cody goes a little too far/gets a little too emotional opening up way too much saying he wants to grab her and hold her and roll around with her and meet her family. He says he wants her to get to know him because he knows she will fall in love with him. Blah blah.
Cody comes off too strong, as usual.
Andi can't handle it, starts bawling, and tells him she can't continue with this charade.
So she sends him home. No rose for Macklemore :(
The ceiling did hold him.
It's kind of a bummer considering how absolutely pumped he was for his one-on-one, but he put himself out way too much, IMO.



Cocktail party/Rose Ceremony time. LEGGO.
The second Andi walks in, Nick walks up to her, handing her a drink, ready to go. Even though he already has a rose.
"That's a man right there!" she says, all horned up. Yet if some girl did that on her season she'd be PISSED.
The boys are like "hell no, Dylan, go get her!" Dylan? YOU GO.
Then they confront Nick about what a douche he is.
Everyone takes a turn kissing Andi.
Brian reads her a poem he wrote (IN A LETTER), which he ripped off of Ten Things I Hate About You, by the way.
Josh finally gets his time and Andi says she "Didn't like" how their last conversation went.
Apparently, it all had to be sappy sunshine and daisies with her. But not too much, or you'll be hitting the road like Cody.



CHarrison makes his first appearance in Venice! Hey man!


"Did you have a good week?" he asks
"Ummm. I had an OKAY week," she replies.
Once again, Andi cannot count her blessings. She's in this gorgeous city, gorgeous country that's so "unbelievable" and "romantic" but it still isn't good enough for our Andi. She is so "tired" and "exhausted" of all of this! You guys, she is "trying so hard!!!"
Poor, poor baby.
Enough talking. Shut up Andi.
Time for some motherfucking roses.
(ps I am calling it now, she is giving Josh the last rose to keep him on his toes tonight. We'll see if I'm right.)

Here we go:
(Andi continues to talk more...talking about the questions she needs answered again...does anything ever get resolved with her?)
1- Dylan (he looks as surprised as we all are that he got the first rose, nympho)
2- Basketball Brian
3- Needy Marcus
4- Josh (CALLED IT)

Thus, she sends an emotional JJ home, back to make his pants. JJ takes a moment to say goodbye to his bro's that he claims to hate. She takes him outside to awkwardly break up with him. He says, in the car of rejection, how he has never been in love before. Which is actually pretty sad.

NEXT WEEK....BRUSSELS! Brussels? Nick being a douchebag! Again!

Winners of the week:
Farmer Chris for being a stand up guy and coming out as the SA. Basketball Brian for being cheesy yet cute. The lie detector test guys for leaving the guns and taking the cannoli. Dylan for sleeping with more than 20 women.

Losers of the week:
Josh for having actual concerns. JJ for getting too whiney. Cody for getting too crazy.

Hottie of the week:
I'm giving this W to Josh for being the only one to look remotely okay in the douche scarf.

STAWWWWP Count:
None that I know of, but can we do a "some questions I need answered" option instead, because if so, she said that about 11 times.

Until next week,
Kaitie

xo