Tonight I just really want to talk about some awkward things (shocker) that people do in public.
Like, can we just talk about this??
Why is it that when we're walking around on our way to work, class, home, etc. and we see people doing weird stuff and all we can manage to do is get out our cell phone and pretend like we don't see what's happening?
Some people in society are strange.
And if you are one of these people, just be aware that...yes, we are judging you.
1st:
Walking Barefoot--
I need someone to explain. I understand that sometimes people do this for a cause for the children in 3rd world countries who do not have shoes. And that is awesome! But....what about the rest of you..?
I know that not everyone is doing it for a greater good.
What I wish people would do is wear a very tiny sign (maybe even just a post it note) describing to the world, briefly, why you are...in fact...barefoot.
Sometimes a flip flop breaks. Sometimes your gym shoes get stolen out of the locker. And sometimes you are just a freaking weirdo.
I still would like to know.
2nd:
Filing your nails or painting them--
Is your life really just so terribly busy that you feel the need to bust out the manicure kit at Starbucks and have at it?
I mean, what if people are allergic to the smell?
What if we don't want your grimy nail file remnants and DNA all over us to breathe in?
I'm just saying, ladies, that if you want to do your nails and absolutely 100% must must must do them in public for whatever reason, can you go to the restroom or something?
3rd:
Singing--
Now, let me be the first to say that I'm guilty of this. We all are. More specifically music majors. We will let it slide for you.
I want to know though, these people who are listening to their iPods, alone...without anyone else around them, belting out Katy Perry's latest hit "Teenage Dream"(or is it "The One That Got Away"..or "Part of Me"..or "Firework"..oh wait, I can't tell because all of her songs sound literally the same).
I personally love turning up the iPod, turning on the TSwift, and shaking my booty around the living room when no one is home while pretending to dust or something. HOWEVER. That is in the privacy of my own home where only my dog gets a free ticket.
When I'm waiting at the bus stop, I don't really want to hear your rendition of "Tik Tok". It makes you seem weird, but most importantly, it makes me feel very, very uncomfortable.
I don't care if you're good or not..it is just too much for me to handle.
The only possible solution I can think to solve this is by simply starting to sing along and seeing the other person's reaction. Hey, maybe you can make a new friend.
(Special Note: Guys who rap words along with their MP3 player and mumble most of it, I've got news for you...you're not the next Kanye. And also, to any girl who can fully rap a Nicki Minaj song, yes, I am impressed, but no, I don't think you should pursue a career in it..FU**IN LITTLE WHOOORES FU**IN UP MY DECOOORS, COULDN'T GET MICHAEL KORS IF YOU WAS FU**ING MICHAEL KOOOORS!!!! )
4th:
Fighting on the phone--
I can't even begin to describe in words how just absolutely annoying people are who do this. And why do the people that do this decide that the best place to do so is in a Library or in line at the grocery store?
None of us want to hear about how you have been "taking the garbage out for weeks and Stephanie hasn't done shit!"
And what happens when I do agree with your boyfriend that yes, watching "Mad Men" is more important than picking you up brownie mix? DO IT YOURSELF, LAZY!
That just puts me in an uncomfortable position on many levels.
Like what are we supposed to do, just pretend we aren't listening? Just pretend we don't hear you go on, and on, and on about how your significant other "needs to get a real job" and that he "loves the dog" more than you? I can't just pretend!
What happens when you hang up the phone and we're still around? Are we supposed to just turn to you and be like, "I feel your pain" or "Stop bitching"?
I'm not sure.
So until we can figure out how to handle it, save the private phone convos for your home..in your bedroom, with the door closed...
5th:
Farting--
No, it's just never okay.
Go to the bathroom and fire the missile, don't subject the rest of us to it.
6th:
Blowing bubbles--
This did actually happen to me recently. I was walking around on campus (with a bunch of presumably 18-23 year olds) when I see a girl blowing bubbles...you know, with a big bubble blower thing (it was actually kind of cool..)
However, it was raining.
She was alone.
And she had to have been at least 20 or so.
I don't think it's necessary to be blowing bubbles by yourself in the middle of a college campus for no apparent reason except pleasure.
Maybe you could do it in your own yard...?
Or...like...never...since you're not 6 years old.
7th:
Pick a wedgie--
We can all see you doing it.
Simple solution: no more underwear.
You...are...welcome.
8th:
Eat Sun Chips (in class specifically)--
Why do they make those bags so loud? And must chips be both the most delicious food and the loudest to consume?! WHY?!!? D:
Is it just so that absolutely everyone knows that we are fatasses and consuming chips?
Brian Williams says "STFU SUNCHIPS"
9th:
Eat a popsicle--
We all know why... ;)
10th:
Anything sexual of any kind, including eating a popsicle ^^--
Just, God, please, no.
I've seen enough by watching HBO. I don't need to see your real-life and awkward rendition, too.
11th:
Change or take out any piercings--
This one actually happens a lot. With ears, I guess it's no big deal, but when girls start lifting up their shirts and effing around with their belly button rings I'm just like COME ON.
I'm no prude.
But a- you're either trying to show off your ridiculously great stomach that I'm jealous of and want desperately or b- you really need to put that away honey.
The same applies for tongue rings and eyebrow rings...mainly because it gives me the willies.
12th:
Wear white pajama pants--
It's just a really bad idea for all.
13th:
Wear clothes with animals on them--
I have turtle boxers that I absolutely love. Would I ever wear them in public? No.
No one gets me!!! that's why..
14th:
Eat buffalo chicken wings or ribs--
I just can't enjoy it as much when I know people are watching me go to town on this food that reverts me back to a carnivorous cavewoman. But you should see me eat corn on the cob when I'm alone. I annihilate.
look like look like, instead
15th:
Take pictures of yourself..and only yourself--
Sigh.
We can all see you doing it.
At least do what all the other girls do and go home and take the mirror pic.
Well, that's about all I can think of.
If anyone thinks of something really funny or something more, please let me know. I would love to add your input because I'm sure you're not alone.
Sorry if this "comeback" blog post disappointed.
I'm going to try to get back in the swing of things.
Love you, monsters...
xo
Kaitie
