I've decided to go for a whole new look for the blog--and when I say "whole new look" I mean that I've changed the font.
OK so this time last year I made a post about Halloween costumes and all that jazz. This year I'm just sort of going to wing it and see how it goes so stick with me if you can or get off the crazy train before you get too confused and/or annoyed.
The first thing I would like to say is SINCE when is Halloween a three week long holiday?
Seriously.
I feel like it will never end...and yet, it is still not Oct. 31st.
They were so stupid, I never understood how they were able to suck so many souls...
I used to love Halloween as a child, frolicking in costumes, eating way too much candy, and watching scary movies.
Now it's just all this pressure on what you're going to dress up as without looking too generic, or like too big of a slut, or offending someone by dressing up as an evil dictator. (you know who you are..shame, shame) and what party you're going to go to and how you must match the theme of someone else. LIKE this isn't about YOU, it's about me! I want to just sit back and watch a scary movie while eating anything I can see that is fall-ish, and not worrying about being uncomfortable in a skin tight cat suit that makes me look like a sausage and freeze my ass off while I watch frat boys shotgun natty lights on the front lawn.
I digress.
But seriously. It is dragging this year.
Okay, Marnie..calm the fuck down.
I feel like people have been celebrating it for a month now, and at this point I am seriously so excited for the lag time between Halloween and Thanksgiving in which I can mentally prepare myself for all the little Christmas elves bopping about.
If we're being honest, I love Christmas. LOVE IT. I buy the christmas scents from bath and body works earlier and earlier every year. I also start humming xmas tunes in August.
R.I.P. Kenny
NOW THERE is a holiday that is allowed to drag.
Halloween, no.
Stop.
I cannot wait for Oct. 31st to be done and over with.
The next thing I want to discuss while we are on the topic of Halloween is the concept of the scary movie.
Today I got to talking with my friend about who she would be if she was a character in a horror film. I'm talking like the classics/somewhat originals: Halloween, Friday the 13th, Jeepers Creepers, I Know What You Did Last Summer, Nightmare on Elm Street, etc.
I came to realize that a woman has two choices.
A- you can be the dumb slut that dies in the first ten minutes...or at least far enough in so we can see your breasts.
or...
B- the "heroine" who lives until the end but cries a lot and has some sort of connection with the killer/psycho. This character also can be the demise of the main guy (Mr. Hero ((not the sandwich)) ) who has most likely sacraficed himself for the beautiful laday.
So what to choose?
"Love you best friend, but you're definitely going to die because I'm the star of this movie.."
Can we also talk about why people found J-Love so hot? Her bangs in this were wretched.
Dumb slut gets it quicker ("it" being death..), feels less blame, and at least gets to enjoy her last few minutes on Earth, I suppose.
"Heroine" gets to be the last one standing with all kinds of mental issues following her around for the rest of her life because she's literally lost everyone close to her and has to deal with the fact that she hacheted a murderous villian that may or may not be actually dead depending on box office sales/whether or not there is a sequel.
Solid choices.
I say "yikes".
I said "NO PICKLE!!!"
Realistically, if I were put into this type of situation where there is a murderous lunatic chasing me around and a- the cops can't do anything, b- my boyfriend thinks he can protect me, c- I just happen to always love to be in the house alone/go chase things in the night...I'd probably just do everyone a favor and take a plane to Bermuda where I would spend the rest of my days drinking out of a coconut and getting a nice tan.
But honestly, if I had to choose which female character I would be in a horror movie, I'd probably go with the honorable sidekick that disappears early on in the movie.
I'd be the girl who says, "I'm going to call for help" after some weird shit happens and disappears, only later would my head be found, or something ridiculous like that.
But because I was so honorable in going off to find help, they wouldn't actually show my death scene, which is...you know, kind of nice, I guess. In comparison to the slutty girl at the beginning who sometimes even gets it before the opening credits (THAT SUCKS!..cough, cough skinny dipper from Jaws)
Moral of the story: if you're a slut, you have it coming and if you're brave, you're going to be the reason all your friends/family die.
People forget about her because she's such a slut.
Or if you want to get into the realm of "devil-in-my-soul"/"I-like-to-crawl-up-steps-backwards-and-barf-on-myself"/"I-levitate-and-my-head-spins-all-the-way-around" kind of movies, you as a female will most definitely get possessed by a demon and/or give birth to the anti-christ.
Talk about effective birth control methods.
I'm just going to have to take your baby when I become possessed by a demon in which our great-great grandfather agreed to give away the first male bloodline to. It'll be fine. Best god-mother ever!
Hope everyone has a safe and happy Halloween.
Until next time,
Kaitie
xo
No comments:
Post a Comment