Halloween : Part Deux

Hey everyone! Como estas?

I've decided to go for a whole new look for the blog--and when I say "whole new look" I mean that I've changed the font.

OK so this time last year I made a post about Halloween costumes and all that jazz. This year I'm just sort of going to wing it and see how it goes so stick with me if you can or get off the crazy train before you get too confused and/or annoyed.

The first thing I would like to say is SINCE when is Halloween a three week long holiday?

Seriously.

I feel like it will never end...and yet, it is still not Oct. 31st.

They were so stupid, I never understood how they were able to suck so many souls...

I used to love Halloween as a child, frolicking in costumes, eating way too much candy, and watching scary movies.
Now it's just all this pressure on what you're going to dress up as without looking too generic, or like too big of a slut, or offending someone by dressing up as an evil dictator. (you know who you are..shame, shame) and what party you're going to go to and how you must match the theme of someone else. LIKE this isn't about YOU, it's about me! I want to just sit back and watch a scary movie while eating anything I can see that is fall-ish, and not worrying about being uncomfortable in a skin tight cat suit that makes me look like a sausage and freeze my ass off while I watch frat boys shotgun natty lights on the front lawn.

I digress.

But seriously. It is dragging this year.


                                               

Okay, Marnie..calm the fuck down.

I feel like people have been celebrating it for a month now, and at this point I am seriously so excited for the lag time between Halloween and Thanksgiving in which I can mentally prepare myself for all the little Christmas elves bopping about.

If we're being honest, I love Christmas. LOVE IT. I buy the christmas scents from bath and body works earlier and earlier every year. I also start humming xmas tunes in August.

R.I.P. Kenny

NOW THERE is a holiday that is allowed to drag.
Halloween, no.
Stop.
I cannot wait for Oct. 31st to be done and over with.


The next thing I want to discuss while we are on the topic of Halloween is the concept of the scary movie.

Today I got to talking with my friend about who she would be if she was a character in a horror film. I'm talking like the classics/somewhat originals: Halloween, Friday the 13th, Jeepers Creepers, I Know What You Did Last Summer, Nightmare on Elm Street, etc.

I came to realize that a woman has two choices.
A- you can be the dumb slut that dies in the first ten minutes...or at least far enough in so we can see your breasts.
or...
B- the "heroine" who lives until the end but cries a lot and has some sort of connection with the killer/psycho. This character also can be the demise of the main guy (Mr. Hero ((not the sandwich)) ) who has most likely sacraficed himself for the beautiful laday.

So what to choose?

"Love you best friend, but you're definitely going to die because I'm the star of this movie.."

Can we also talk about why people found J-Love so hot? Her bangs in this were wretched.

 

Dumb slut gets it quicker ("it" being death..), feels less blame, and at least gets to enjoy her last few minutes on Earth, I suppose.

"Heroine" gets to be the last one standing with all kinds of mental issues following her around for the rest of her life because she's literally lost everyone close to her and has to deal with the fact that she hacheted a murderous villian that may or may not be actually dead depending on box office sales/whether or not there is a sequel.

Solid choices.

I say "yikes".

I said "NO PICKLE!!!"

Realistically, if I were put into this type of situation where there is a murderous lunatic chasing me around and a- the cops can't do anything, b- my boyfriend thinks he can protect me, c- I just happen to always love to be in the house alone/go chase things in the night...I'd probably just do everyone a favor and take a plane to Bermuda where I would spend the rest of my days drinking out of a coconut and getting a nice tan.

But honestly, if I had to choose which female character I would be in a horror movie, I'd probably go with the honorable sidekick that disappears early on in the movie.
I'd be the girl who says, "I'm going to call for help" after some weird shit happens and disappears, only later would my head be found, or something ridiculous like that.

But because I was so honorable in going off to find help, they wouldn't actually show my death scene, which is...you know, kind of nice, I guess. In comparison to the slutty girl at the beginning who sometimes even gets it before the opening credits (THAT SUCKS!..cough, cough skinny dipper from Jaws)

Moral of the story: if you're a slut, you have it coming and if you're brave, you're going to be the reason all your friends/family die.

People forget about her because she's such a slut.

Or if you want to get into the realm of "devil-in-my-soul"/"I-like-to-crawl-up-steps-backwards-and-barf-on-myself"/"I-levitate-and-my-head-spins-all-the-way-around" kind of movies, you as a female will most definitely get possessed by a demon and/or give birth to the anti-christ.

Talk about effective birth control methods.

I'm just going to have to take your baby when I become possessed by a demon in which our great-great grandfather agreed to give away the first male bloodline to. It'll be fine. Best god-mother ever!

Hope everyone has a safe and happy Halloween.

Until next time,

Kaitie
xo

Are You Talking To Me?: Creating My Alternative Identity

Hey All!

Hope everyone is having a fabulous week thusfar. I'm doing alright, thanks for asking.

Today I want to talk about an awkward encounter that happened to me. Usually when these things happen I only hear about them but never actually think they could happen to me. Well, today it did.

I was standing at the bus stop, waiting when this girl starts casually talking to me. I find it strange because usually no one interacts whilst waiting at the bus station. It's kind of like an unwritten rule that you just don't talk to people. You pretend to be talking on your cell phone or texting someone important--but you never actually interact with real people.

That would be awkward.

Anyways. Today this girl was talking to me and I thought it was a bit weird because she was talking about a chicken alfredo recipe or something. Then, all of the sudden she starts talking about other things, and including names of people that I do not know. That's when things got really weird. She mentioned a story about this girl, Val who was studying abroad in Spain right now and how we should all get together when she gets back.

This is when I realized that the girl thought I was someone else.
It's kind of like when you're at the store and some little old lady comes up to you thinking that you're your mother or something.

Well, it was kind of like that, but not.

I didn't know how to continue going about the conversation.
There's no way I could just come out and tell her that I wasn't who she thought I was. I'm just Kaitie (two i's), not this other mystery girl that she thinks I am.

At this point, though it would've been very uncomfortable if I would have said "Hey, what the fuck are you talking about?"
Because the girl was nice and I'm not a dick.

So I just pretended.

Nodding, smiling, laughing along with her stories about alfredo and her roommates that I apparently know.

To say I was beyond relieved that the bus came would be an understatement.

As I drove home I got very excited thinking that somewhere in the world (in the very, very near world) I have a twin!

Or maybe this bus-stop girl has really, really terrible observational skills.
That's also a high possibility.

I also got to thinking of this "other Kaitie" and began creating this alternate personality for my twin.

Don't think I'm crazy.

Her name would be Shelly (because I think it's cute, and it reminds me of happy people)...she'd have naturally tan skin from her Latin heritage (in that case she wouldn't be my twin..but you get it). She would be a Journalism major with a minor in PR and Spanish. She'd be highly intelligent and wear a size 4 in pants. She'd love to knit and watch Golden Girls in her spare time. She's been dating her boyfriend, Todd for three years and they're crazy about each other. Todd's in a band that's traveling around England currently (he's going to stop in Spain to visit her at some point). She has three best friends, one is brunette, one is blonde, and the other is a red head and they all have names that start with L. The four of them have sleepovers all the time and are comfortable enough to not wear pants in front of each other, they also braid each other's hair all the time. Those kind of friends.
Shelly has a job all lined up after school in Boston, where she will begin her exciting career working for a pubishing firm.
She's really good at public speaking and makes up her own cupcake recipes in her spare time. She is also a C cup.
Sometimes, when she's bored she likes to whip out her favorite copy of Pride & Prejudice and just reads it. She was homecoming queen in high school and also leader of the debate team. She got to shake Hillary Clinton's hand once and knows how to play the viola.
Shelly rarely gets sick and follows her day-planner for everything.
She is quite athletic, too and was on the swimming team in high school. She swims every morning as a good work out.
Shelly is crafty, scrapbooks, and makes decorations for her apartment by hand.
She also has a fat weiner dog named 'The Hoff' and wears Vera Wang perfume.

Basically, Shelly is perfect.
But she's got her flaws too. She's afraid of spiders and riding horses. (She had a tragic accident as a child involving horses where she injured her tail bone--it took a long time to recover). She also got fired from her job working at a restaurant because she told off her manager for being a dickwad (not that that is a bad thing though, you go girl).

I want to be Shelly.

Shelly and I are twins...she's just a more petite version that works out, is Latina, and has social skills.

But! If I try, I can be more like Shelly. We can all be more like Shelly!

So that's my other identity.
Now I encourage all of you to go out and create your own alternate identity (preferably someone who has a lot of talent and not many flaws). It will be fun! And it will also make you feel inadequate, but that is okay!

Until next time,

Kaitie
xo