Can't wait to see where tonight's chapter of Ben 2.0's love journey takes us.
Without further ado.
The episode kicks off with the women congregating in the living room of Bachelor Mansion. They discuss how exhausted they are, how empty the house is now (okay?), and how there is a weird vibe/energy.
Yes. That weird vibe is called: loathing the people you live with in jealousy that they are in "love" with the same man you are.
A familiar feeling for all.
Papi comes in and tells them that they are all going to Las Vegas. The girls are very excited about this.
We see Ben, still in his Mustang, driving around the Nevadian desert.
He surprises the girls by with a big neon sign. They all literally begin jumping up and down. JoJo cries, "this is so romantic! I'm falling in love with him!"
Yeah, very romantic. A sign just for you.
Oh, wait, no. It's for everyone.
Well, maybe it was just for JoJo, since she snags the first one-on-one date card. Olivia somehow has convinced herself that she and Ben are in an exclusive relationship.
We get a little moment with the Twins, talking about how they literally do everything together: work out, watch movies, live in the same place, have the same job...
so somehow are they telling us that they would be okay with marrying the same guy..?
Are they polygamists?
That's a first on this show.
I wish I was kidding, but I don't think I am.
Ben 2.0, my love and light, brings JoJo up on a rooftop or something, where a...you guessed it, helicopter picks them up. The wind from the propellers knocks a table over into them, which is kind of comical. But, they kiss behind said fallen table nonetheless. Meanwhile, all the girls in Hotel Las Bachelor are looking on in rage and jealousy. Olivia is getting very nervous that she is losing Ben to another lover.
Jesus, take it.
JoJo and Ben kiss some more in a helicopter..boring.
Back at the hotel, the ladies receive the group date card. Amanda, Jubilee, Caila, Lauren B, Amber, Haley, Emily, Leah, Lauren H, Jennifer, Rachel, and Olivia get the date...meaning our favorite Bachelor-Vet, Becca will get the one-on-one.
JoJo and Ben sit down to eat (but not really because no one ever eats) and drink. They talk about all the "moments" they've had. Ben says "moment" about forty times. JoJo talks about how much her guard has fallen and how scared she is because of all of the "stuff in her past" that is making her "cautious." MEANING she's been cheated on.
And we find out that she only broke it off with this other guy five months ago. Meaning that to help herself getting over a guy who was not faithful to her and did not give her all of his love and dedication she decided to go onto a Reality Television dating competition show in which she must duel with other women for one man's affection.
I think we need some on-sight therapy?!
Papi, can you help us out? You are a self-proclaimed love doctor, right?
Ben gives JoJo the rose. Which is nice. She seems like a nice gal.
I just hope this show doesn't really fuck her up.
They go on top of the building and watch fireworks going off (literally) from another building.
The other girls hear the fireworks and are, you guessed it, jealous.
Olivia is fuming. She is having a mental breakdown.
Whatever.
The group date begins. The Twins won't shut up. The date has something to do with a "Show" and this is Vegas, so duh. Lauren H hopes they won't have to wear nipple tassles. Can someone send her home please? She just bothers me when she speaks.
So they sit in this theater with some puppet guy who is apparently very famous. He tells the girls they will be performing a talent show. The girls are having a hard time thinking of a talent because they've relied almost entirely upon their appearance their entire lives and not their actual brains or talent.
Everyone is very concerned about Olivia's talent and what it will be. I personally think she should just try to put as many objects in her mouth as she can. Olivia puts on some skimpy showgirl outfit. It becomes apparent that either a- Olivia is up to something or b- she has no talent.
I'll go with the latter.
The puppet guy then tells them they have an hour to get ready because they will be his opening act. To be honest, does this crowd have high expectations when they're going to see one man do a puppet show?
I think not likely.
Haley and Emily kick off the "talent" show with their Irish step dancing which is actually pretty good...but is freaky because it looks like a mirror image...their hair even moves the same way.
Jubilee goes next and plays the cello. Ben is impressed.
Lauren B juggles. Caila belly dances..? Rachel makes balloon animals in her pajamas (accurate depiction of my entire life actually). Lauren H sings a dumb song in a chicken suit. Amanda hula hoops. Leah dressed like a clown. Jennifer hit tennis balls.
Like the bar is pretty low.
Olivia says she has no trouble being "the one that shines" and come out in a cake in her skimpy little outfit then dances around awkwardly. Caila laughs at her saying "I don't know what her talent is, but it's hard to look away" umm..it's not like your supposed "belly dancing" was much better.
If anyone is judging this, it's going to be me.
Finally, thank God, it's over. The girls cheers together. Olivia begins to have a panic attack.
Same.
I felt the same way after watching that talent show.
PS Did anyone see Amber's talent because I didn't?
She is taking the talent show really hard. She realizes that she has no talent, at least none she can show on network television. NO no that was mean. IM SORRY.
It becomes apparent that Olivia is a perfectionist who can't stand the idea of not being the best at something and losing.
Which makes her...really...endearing...
*coughs awkwardly*
After this debacle, the cocktail party starts. Caila says she really "wants to stand out" but not in a "loud obnoxious way" so she makes out with him because that's not obnoxious. Ben calls her a "Sex Panther"
*cringes*
Caila feels like she's been hidden in the background even though she got the first one-on-one date...YEAH CAILA, I REMEMBER.
Caila, the Sex Panther, although from Ohio, is not my favorite for Ben. I won't lie to you all. I mean, he could obviously do worse...but eh...I don't know. I know they've got a lot in common but she just seems like too much for me.
Ben takes Lauren H aside, along with his puppet, to get some one on one time. She kisses the puppet. That's real. And then she kisses Ben as well. Which is fine. If Ben wants to marry a real housewife, then yeah, it's cute.
Olivia pulls Ben aside (of course) and tells him how embarrassed she was. She tells him she is "not good at being show-y"
HUH!
Interesting!
Haley, or Emily, I don't know interrupts them. Olivia walks away feeling "VERRRY UNSURE" of herself and scared. And she doesn't understand "what happened."
What happened is that Ben is starting to like other people more than you, which is easy to do because you're evil. Not today Satan. Not today.
I'm sorry if this seems like it's turning into an Olivia bashing blog...am I turning into one of those girl's who blogged about Olivia's cankles??
But she just makes it too easy.
Lovely guitar music plays as Lauren B (obvious winner IMO) approaches Ben. They make out and she tells him she missed him "sooooo" much. She tells him she doesn't know how to comprehend her feelings. What, the feelings of being forced to fall in love with someone and put into an unrealistic environment with a really nice-seeming guy? You're having a hard time comprehending that?
If someone stuck me under a palm tree, gave me a glass of Cab, and put a guy like Ben Higgins in my line of sight, I would think I was falling in love too.
Twin #2 Emily is having a nice conversation about her dog with Ben and Olivia comes over and interrupts to re-hash everything all over again. Ben is trying to be as nice as humanly possible, but it is clear he is very annoyed. I mean, she walks over like a psychopath, awkwardly dancing around and apologizing for I don't even know what. Ben tells her not to apologize.
Meanwhile, one of my favorites, Jennifer, has not gotten any time with Ben.
BAH!
Anger.
Ben gives the date rose to Lauren B because that is his wife. It's done. Might as well end the show now. I'm calling it.
Well, I won't say that quite yet...IDK.
At Hotel Las Bachelor, Becca receives a package from Ben, and it's a fucking wedding dress. I'm not sure what to say. Some driver (not Ben) picks her up in this wonderful pink car and takes her to a wedding chapel. Ben wants to marry her really quick so that they can get it on, since she's waiting till marriage. Ben gets on one knee and we are all freaking out...especially Becca. But he says "Becca, will you marry...other people with me?"
Becca is "really excited" (she says so about forty times) but also visibly relieved that her first one on one with Ben is not turning into a shotgun wedding.
So Ben is ordained, which is definitely a pro in a quality you look for in a partner in my opinion.
And he actually does a really great job. The guy is a natural.
Becca I guess is just there to stand there and look good.
What a weird ass first date.
They sit down for their drink/eating portion of the date. Ben asks Becca why this season works better for her than last and she puts Chris on blast saying she's "more ready this time" and was "so closed off to Chris" which is funny to me because he almost married her. Ben asks her about being a virgin. She gives a nice enough answer and he appreciates her for that. Which is SO FUCKING CUTE BEN...SO FUCKING CUTE.
She tells him, "I like you so much"
YEAH, ME TOO BITCH!
Ben made some "vows" to her. Then Becca makes her vows to him. They're pretty cheesy, but it's cute as heck.
Did Becca just become a front runner?!
I THINK SO, BACHELOR BETCHES, I THINK SO.
Becca returns from her date at Hotel Las Bachelor when Papi walks in and gathers the bitches together. He then tells our favorite twins, Emily and Haley that Ben has requested a two on one date. He then informs us he's taking them on an early hometown date.
WTF?
OH MY GOD
OH MY GOD
THEY HAVE DACHSHUNDS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Wiener dogs mean THE WORLD TO ME.
You guys don't even know. I'm so distracted. I can't even write this blog.
There's four of them. oh my god.
And they're fat as hell.
*breathing heavily*
*crying*
ok.
I've composed myself.
Haley I think? brings Ben to her room and he looks at all of the pictures she has ...a few of which are with ex boyfriends. AWKWARD. Haley throws the pictures under her bed quickly. LOL.
This reminds me of Room Raiders.
Emily totally throws her sister under the bus and says she feels like Haley isn't "there yet" with Ben like Emily is. Ben takes some time by having a sit down with their mom?
Then he sits them ALL DOWN AT ONCE...INCLUDING THE DOGS.
And sends Haley home! Well, keeps her home.
Damn!
DAAAMMMMNNNN.
Awkward.
IN FRONT OF THE MOM!?
Whoa, Ben, whoa!
Emily is officially Twin #1
That was such a shock.
Mainly because I can't believe Ben was able to tell them apart in the end.
The pre-Rose cocktail party begins and Olivia plans to steal Ben first for some time to reflect about the debacle the other day AGAIN.
Jennifer YAY! grabs him first, beats Olivia to the punch. Ben barely gets to talk to Jennifer because Olivia walks over. WHY DON'T THE OTHER GIRLS RESTRAIN HER?!
I would be grabbing her cankles and dragging her away.
Poor Jen :(
I really think Ben likes Jen, but he's gotten actually no time with her so won't be surprised if she goes home. I hope it's Olivia...but it's still so early in the season. They need the ratings, so I'm sure she'll be around because we all hate her.
JoJo pulls Olivia aside to compare their relationships right away. Which is a really great idea.
Ben is kissing so many girls tonight that I'm pretty sure lip gloss is permanently smeared on his lips.
Jubilee is feeling insecure so she goes to talk to Ben. He assures her that he is interested basically telling her that she is safe.
Sigh. We'll see though.
Rose Ceremony Time:
(mind you, Olivia is narrating the entire time like PSYCHO..and her words don't even make sense anymore)
1- Amanda - has gotten the first or second rose every week! love her
2- Lauren H - eugh, fine..
3- Jubilee - obviously
4- Emily - Twin #1 is here to stay
5- Caila - eugh, fine..
6- Jennifer - yay!
7- Leah - forgot about her
8- Olivia - FUCK
We have to listen to her for another week, folks.
Come on, Ben.
Thus, he sends Rachel home - now I guess you'll have to find a job :\ and Amber who has been basically a ghost in this episode. I mean, has she talked ONCE in two hours?
I feel bad. Rachel seemed decently normal, and it sucks that she was literally the only one he didn't kiss. That can't feel good..
Amber is devastated because she has claimed that she "was ready to marry him"
OH CHILL OUT.
God, these people are lunatics.
Does ABC offer complimentary therapy for these women after they get rejected?
Alright.
Losers of the Night:
Haley - sorry Twin #2, you didn't make the cut
Olivia - always a loser in my opinion
Caila - just trying too hard, lost some points with me, won't lie
Las Vegas - sorry of all the debauchery you've had to witness, these dates might be the worst
Winners of the Night:
JoJo - new front runner
Becca - obviously
Lauren B - Ben's wife
These three will go far. I really think that.
Puppets
Number of times Olivia flip flopped between thinking she is the front-runner/Ben's future wife to being "totally defeated": 8
Number of times I felt uncomfortable: 47
Number of emotional breakdowns: 9
(Olivia's panic attack, Jubilee upset at pre-rose cocktail hour, Olivia at the cocktail portion of her group date, Olivia again at the cocktail portion of her group date, Haley over leaving, Emily over Haley leaving, Olivia again before the rose ceremony, Rachel over leaving, Amber in a big way over leaving)
9 isn't as high as it has been. I'll tell you that.
Until next time,
Kaitie
xo
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