Hello everyone! I'm back, and happy summer.
Today I just wanted to share some random thoughts, no specific topic...but what else is new? I want to discuss things that I've learned this past week, and it's been a lot.
The first thing I want to talk about are celebrity diet tips in magazines.
How stupid can America be to listen to them?!
First of all, those people are making millions of dollars, like, a day for just being ass holes.
We're supposed to listen to their dieting tips? PLEASE.
My favorites are when they put people like Heidi Klum in there who talks about how much she loves her body and accepts herself. Am I supposed to be happy for you? Is this supposed to endear me to you? Because it doesn't. You're a super model last I checked and really, really full of yourself.
Then they tell you what they eat all day, as if that is what they eat each and every day of their meaningless lives. I find it hard to believe that you eat salmon and asparagus for dinner EVERY night or that you ALWAYS get the extra light, no foam, whatever drink from Starbucks. YEAH, RIGHT.
If I was making a million bucks a day, I'd be going out to eat at all the hottest restaurants every night and be eating all kinds of steak, lobsters, bread, butter, other classy foods that I can't think of right now...wine, beer, alcohol, the most decadent desserts in the world.
But no.
Apparently they stay home at night and make steel-cut oats for breakfast every morning and eat lettuce with vinegar on it as a meal..
OKAY.
"I ONLY ever drink smart water!" Oh yeah, Khloe Kardashian...that's really nice. Too freaking bad most of America cannot afford to buy $2 water bottles six times a day. That's $84 a week on water. If you're really into math that's $4, 368 a year. That much money could get you a down payment on a Ford Focus!
Smart Water.
Suck my non-existent balls!
YOU DON'T DRINK JUST SMART WATER ALL DAY AND YOU SURE AS HELL DO NOT EAT CHICKEN WITH NO SEASONING ALL THE TIME. I DON'T BELIEVE YOU!!!
Then they're like, "I love my body! I love who I am!"
I just can't...
My favorite are the exercise tips.
"Oh all I do is jogging, pilates, and I loooove hot yoga!" or "I just like to be outside, I find ways to exercise...like surfing!"
-_-
No. Just no.
You know, a majority of people have jobs and 45 minutes at the Y every day is considered hardcore fitness for most. By saying, "oh all I do is this, this, this, and this" you are making the rest of us feel inadequate...as if you don't already do that already. It's your fault teenage girls have body image issues in the first place.
Maybe this all just stems from the fact that I hate my body and I hate celebrities. No, I don't hate my body, just my boobs...and hips...
NEXT SUBJECT.
Hibachi Places. Terror.
Great food. Great times.
But also makes me kind of nervous.
Please tell me I'm not alone...
I just get kind of scared of these places. First, you sit down...and sometimes you have to sit with strangers. That can be nerve-racking in itself.
Then there's this super hot black stove thing in front of you and you don't actually realize how hot it is. Like, it's so tempting. All you want to do is put your finger on there. Once again, maybe I'm the only one...? Maybe I'm making myself sound like a complete pyscho.
Then the cook comes over and I feel like he's always yelling. I get very, very uncomfortable when people are yelling at me. Then he starts flinging knives in the air! Like, what is that?!
I have to move a few inches back and I start sweating, and also feel like I kind of have to pee because of all the nerves and all.
So while he's shouting and throwing sharp objects through the air, I am enamoured by the fire volcano of onions. But then it's so hot and I feel like my eyebrows will burn off! What if the Saki explodes and we're all dead?! Has that every happened? Checking Snopes now..
The worst part of the whole event is when the cook starts flinging shrimp into people's mouths. First off, I hate shrimp. Secondly, I can never catch it. That's a lot of pressure for a human to be able to do! So you're bobbing your head around like a fool...LIKE A FOOL! trying to catch a shrimp you don't even like and the guy just will not stop until you catch it. The humiliation of shrimp all over the floor and your failure of catching the food in your mouth is enough to bring you back to those grade school gym class days when I was the last girl picked, always.
Then once he leaves, you pray to God that everything on your plate is fully cooked.
See, it's so terrifying.
Final subject.
Female bathroom line bonding.
I've found that wonderful things can come of a bunch of girls waiting in a thirty minute bathroom line, even if you're waiting for a porta-potty!
People compliment each other's shoes, hair, sense of style, purse, they ask about their boyfriends, their dogs, their interests! It's wonderful! I almost made, like, so many friends! Sure, most of them were drunk. The most common bond we all had was that we all had to pee really bad...but still!
Why can't girls get along like this all the time? Do we always have to be in a bathroom line in order to get along with one another?
Some lady even swatted a bug off of my shirt, that's sooo nice! Right?!
Yeah, I love people. But only while waiting in bathroom lines. And only if they hurry up...and don't smell weird.
Alright, I know this blog was kind of rushed and short, and there are probably many spelling errors, but whatev. I've got to go watch Awkward.
PEACE and blessins.
Until next time,
Kaitie
xo
