As you can see, I've decided to do a Bachelorette blog this summer. Hopefully, some of you are still reading. If so...welcome back. And just know that there is no way I would be able to write this without your loving encouragement, and also 3/4 of a bottle of Pinot Grigio.
SO. I'm going to be writing on episodes 1 and 2 tonight since I've been a lazy daisy since last week.
Hope you enjoy.
EPISODE 1:
For those of you living under a rock, we are introduced to Lawyer Andi, who is now known in this blog as Bachelorette Andi. She's about the same person she was as when we left her last season when she dumped Juan Pablo's ass during their fantasy suite date. Her ombre is much, much more subtle now and I can appreciate that.
Chris Harrison kicks off the season looking dapper as ever, and hella fine. We start off the episode on a really sad note, with a message of contestant Eric Hill's passing. This is extremely sad because it doesn't even take two episodes to realize what a cool, nice guy he seemed to be. So I'm already very emotionally invested. RIP Eric Hill :(
After Chris introduces us to this season, we get Bachelorette Andi's little intro.
Meet Andi, 27, cool girl lawyer from Hotlanta, Georgia. She's a prosecutor who puts those bad guys AWAY. She talks about her career as being the main source of success in her life stating, "I worked very hard to get to where I am. It's a huge part of my life. This is everything to me.." so I'm giving it all up to on The Bachelorette for 10 weeks...?
Okayyyy.
Next we get some shots of her walking around, doing female-y things, apparently, like walking down a beach and around a park as she looks off into the distance and she talks about love then we see her shopping for lipstick and shit (because that's all we women do.)
I can just see the producers: "Yeah, okay, Andi great...now go walk around this park for a bit, sit on the bench, let the breeze go through her hair...GREAT SHOT...now look at that pond...good, yes, excellent! THIS IS GOLD."
Andi also discusses how her family is very important to her, and we all remember Andi's dad ripping Juan Pablo a new one last season, so of course, we want to see him again.
Andi's dad says he feels much more comfortable this time around, basically just reiterates the fact that he is really, really happy that she isn't with Juan Pablo.
After introductions, Chris Harrison and Bachelorette Andi walk into Bachelorette Mansion together and look like a very happy couple--oh wait.
Andi is terrified to meet 25 guys, which I don't blame her at all for as I am sweating with nerves for her.
"I don't know what I did to deserve 25 guys flying in from all across the country just to meet me," she says...and I know why...BECAUSE YOU DUMPED JUAN PABLO...YOU SHOULD GET ALL AWARDS FOR THAT #CantForgetWontForget
The limos start arriving with the lucky contestants...and I can't help but feel like these limos are really buzzing with sexual energy. Like, these guys are "ooh"-ing and "aah"-ing in a way that I didn't know men were capable of...outside of...you know, the bedroom.
These guys are totally geeking out.
Are men really like this...?
I don't know...
Before Bachelorette Andi meets the guys, CHarrison pops on over and asks her "Why are you so nervous?"
GEE, IDK Chris, have you ever had to deal with that much testosterone coming at you in one sitting?!
Eh...on second thought, don't answer that.
ALRIGHT. Here we go. Guys come out of limo in this order:
1- Marcus- cute blonde guy, very nervous and shaky (like a small dog who has to shit)...both cute and awkward. Andi really likes this guy because as he is walking away she checks out his ass and goes "ooh he is hot" which, like, YA GIRL, we know..watching this with you.
2- Chris- really smiley, friendly, nice, country boy from Iowa...is basically exactly how I would expect an ideal Iowan man to be.
3- JJ- "pantsapreneur" (which is not a word, but IS his profession, I guess.), kind of a goofball, wearing a tie, geeks out, claims he is on a "love quest" aka a noble journey to find true love like he's playing Skyrim, or something.
Bilbo is also on a love quest.
4- Marquel- very charming, very interestingly dressed, sexy black man
5- Tasos- fohawk, loves to travel, wants to take Andi to Paris ASAP (locks on Lover's Bridge stunt) which you know, is kind of cute
6- Cody- this fool comes up, fake pushing the limo, looking like Macklemore on steroids, informs America, and Andi, that he is a personal trainer, which I could've told you without even having to see the info bar
7- Steven- aka Teddy Geiger, Cali Boy, very "stoked" to be there, looks like he's 19
8- Rudy- attorney (do attorneys and prosecutors get along?)
9- Carl- fireman, wins everything automatically for having the sexiest profession and having tattoos, gives her a globe (can't remember the reasoning behind this TBH)
10- Jason- channeling Brad Pitt's long blonde hair, uses cheesy pick up line, kind of bizarre, inside we can totally tell Andi is like "hell no"
11- Nick V- software sales rep (snore), I have a feeling he will go far...but IDK
12- Dylan- accountant, super cute, super nervous, may need a haircut
13- Patrick- advertising exec (hey, can you get me a job, buddy?), comes up kicking a soccer ball (must be manly man) ME MAN, ME LIKE SPORTS, but he is definitely attractive...and tall, and probably a total ass
14- Emil- helicopter pilot, looks like he stepped out of a cologne ad, but doesn't matter because he pronounces his name "Anal"...so he's definitely not lasting long
15- Brett- hairstylist and total wacko, comes up with a fucking lamp, a stolen lamp, from the hotel, that's all
16- Craig- another accountant, comes up spraying a champagne bottle in a very phallic way all over the place, claims to be "here to start the party" so we all know where this is going to go
17- Ron- world traveler, can't tell if he's excited or not because his eyes are creeping me out
18- Bradley- another fucking opera singer (where are they finding these people?), wants to "serenade" Andi later (typical...inorganic)
19- Josh- super cute, looks like someone I know, but I can't pinpoint it...so this description is a little lackluster
20- Nick- pro golfer, rolls up in a golf cart, seems charming, has bald spot, but is super sexy IMO
21- Bryan- basketball coach, looks like every guy I ever had a crush on in high school, seems pretty down to earth
22- Andrew- social media marketer (hey, can you get me a job, buddy?), looks like a boyfriend in a Mary-Kate and Ashley movie
This one specifically...you know I'm right.
23- Mike aka "Call me 'Camps'" (whatever the fuck that is)- another Brad Pitt long hair wannabe, bartender who wants to appear natural by introducing himself in the most unnatural way I've ever seen
24- Eric- :(, explorer, super attractive, gives Andi these special little dolls that were made from him in Uruguay or something, looks exactly like Prince Eric
25- Josh M.- former basketball player (NBA, I guess..even though he is white?), is this guy a character in a romance novel?, seems like a bit of a trouble maker, and Andi totally checks out his ass
Time to now go inside and "enjoy" and these guys are totally geeking out all like "OMG I'M SO PUMPED!" and "Andi's the total package, man!"
A room full of attractive men vying for your affection and love? Definitely not normal. And in a big way there is something so different about The Bachelor and The Bachelorette...because, female competing for a man's attention is all too normal, whereas men competing for a woman's affection is a lot more rare, IMO.
Anyways.
Every guy that talks to Andi is like "just keep complimenting her, just keep complimenting her!"
Josh, former NBA player, wastes no time pulling her aside. She can't decide if he is genuine or not. I want to give him the benefit of the doubt..but...I am still reeling from the trust problem I had with Juan Pablo (which Andi should be too!)
Marquel also takes Bachelorette Andi aside and gives her wine and cookies (at this point, I would have totally given him the FIR [first impression rose] BECAUSE SO SOLD)
I mean, where did he get these fucking cookies from?! Is this, like, his passion..?
CHarrison comes out with the FIR and all these boys start sweating like they have some sort of illness, okay.
Like, good God, can someone blot these gents down with a towelette!? EW.
JJ then takes Andi aside and I finally figure out what a "pantsapraneur" is..I guess he designs pants.
Golfer Nick teaches Andi how to putt putt, because that's super difficult, I guess.
Some guys make her food, and are joking with her and laughing and shit. It's way more fun and easy-going than The Bachelor ever is, that's for sure! They're all just having a good old time together.
Tasos stands out to me with his fohawk by being super cute. Nick V is super precious as well, talking about his 35 siblings or whatever.
Then we transition to Bradley, the Opera Singer, who decides, what better time to belt out some fucking tunes?! He turns into a complete ham and sings his opera in front of all of these bros who look like they need another beer ASAP.
Meanwhile, Patrick and Andrew, both being into cars and the marketing world, decide to become the two best friends to ever exist. Bromance alert.
Maybe they should date?
BUT THEN...amidst all these fun times and emerging romances (I'm referring to Patrick and Andrew, obviously) this former Bachelorette/Bachelor Pad (ew, I'm not even entertaining the fact that that show exists on this blog..) star, Chris somethingowski or something from Emily's season shows up, crashing the party. Security/the producers won't let him in because apparently the showrunners has NO IDEA AT ALL (cough cough bull shit) that he would come barging in like this...totally and completely unannounced.
They find CHarrison who comes up to Chris and is like "dude, what are you doing here?"
Other Chris says "I want to meet Andi" and is holding, like, 7 roses (odd)
The security guard is cracking me up because he's like "there is no way in hell you're getting on this set"
And side note, if that is their only security guard on that set, then I'm a little alarmed. Like, I feel like I could take him and go crash some group dates or at least a cocktail party at Bachelorette Mansion.
Anyways, apparently this Other Chris can't get enough of being on this reality TV show looking for love. CHarrison is like "We can't have any more Chris's on this show right now...we've filled our quota."
Other Chris is like "PLEASE, I need to meet her...or at least get my bid in for next season's The Bachelor *WINK*"
CHarrison is like, "Good God, FINE, I will go ask Andi."
So CHarrison goes to Andi and Andi is all like "wtf, no...I'm not even going to humor that idea."
Which, okay, OUCH to Other Chris. Guess you'll have to go home, sad, and alone, once again.
So that was all very odd, and quite frankly kind of annoying.
Bachelorette Andi, meanwhile, is in such heaven right now. She keeps saying how "awesome" all these guys are blah blah blah...
You know what Andi? We know. Most guys appear very "Awesome" when you first meet them and then a week later they're sending you dick pics on snapchat and expecting you to swoon.
Disgusting creatures.
Andi continues talking to the guys. We're introduced more to Farmer Chris from Iowa...very cute, APPROVE. We also learn more about Marcus, who was born in Europe (?!) and lives now in Texas, and is adorable so...APPROVE. Andi decides to give the FIR to Nick V with the hundreds of brothers and sisters. Nick is all "wh-wh-me? Really?"
Yeah, I didn't see it coming either bro.
GOD THESE GUYS ARE SWEATY...
sorry. I got distracted by the fluid...ick.
After the FIR, these men are wigging. One guy goes "It stings a little...not to be given the rose"
YEAH, REJECTION HURTS, DOENS'T IT ASS HOLE?
I am beginning to see that there is no middle ground with contestants on this show...they're either way too adorable or complete tools. I'm looking at you, Roided Macklemore.
Anyway...thank GOD, we're finally at the Rose Ceremony:
Bachelorette Andi starts by saying "thank you" and she's so flattered, blah, blah...and they're all just like "oooh my God, you're so perfect, you're so pretty, please pick me"
So she does...in this order:
1- JJ (pantsapreneur)
2- Eric (prince eric)
3- Marquel (cookie monster)
4- Craig (party animal)
5- Tasos (fohawk)
6- Josh (idk)
7- Bryan (teacher/bball coach)
8- Bradley (opera singer)
9- Marcus (shy)
10- Andrew (Patrick's boyfriend)
11- Ron (eyes intro your soul)
12- Carl (fireman)
13- Chris (farmer)
14- Dylan (hottie)
15- Brett (THE LAMP GUY?!)
16- Patrick (Andrew's boyfriend)
17- Cody (Macklemore)
18- Nick S. (golfer)
CHarrison is like "alright, you losers, say your goodbyes" so these bros awkwardly shake hands with some "friends" they've made before going over to Andi who has this fake sympathetic look on her face like "awwwe, I'm so sorry" with this sad face that is just so...eek.
Andi cuts out the attorney, the two Brad Pitt wannabees (Patrick asked "is there something I could've done differently? what did I do wrong?" to which I would have said "yes. you need to cut...your fucking hair), and some other guy named Josh who is apparently very emotional about it?
He has CLEARLY never been rejected by a woman before because he definitely doesn't take it well. He keeps saying how this is "complete bull shit" and how anyone would be lucky to have him...blah, blah..OKAY then go find 'anyone' and get off my TV screen you psycho.
My summation of episode 1:
Everyone she chose is hot, so there's no problem there (except maybe Bradley, who just scares me)
Top Picks for Andi as of today:
Tasos (that Paris lock thing was cute), Nick V (he got the FIR so..), Chris (sweet farmer guy), JJ (idk why tbh, but she seemed to enjoy him), Marcus (she clearly wants him), Carl (only because he's a firefighter)
Hottie of the Week:
Chris Harrison, obviously.
Andi saying "STAWP" count (because she says that way too much...which I can't judge her for since my catchphrase is "KBYE"):
4
_____________________________________________________________________________________
EPISODE 2:
Disclaimer: I had to switch over to my second bottle of wine for this one
Bachelorette Andi wakes up looking ***flawless. She claims that she loves this group because she feels like it's a great combo of "seriousness mixed with fun!"
We skip on over to the Bachelorette Mansion and I am perplexed to see that these guys have bunk beds. Have they always had bunk beds on this show and I'm just now noticing?
That house is gigantic! They really need a room filled with 6 beds each?
IDK about that.
Anyways, they bro out with some Bloody Mary's in the AM before CHarrison comes in like "Hey ya'll, Andi is amazing, Andi is amazing. I've been doing this a long time, too long...really, and I can honestly say Andi is the greatest, I love her."
Making it weird.
I can't help but wonder if these guys are going to get as excited for the date cards as the women do on The Bachelor. Answer: they don't really.
There isn't as much shrieking, but still way too much sweating for my liking.
CHarrison busts out the first date card and says to the men, "It all begins here boys"
Which sounds like the intro of a porno, maybe.
Not that I'd know.
Prince Eric gets the first date card. Bachelorette Andi rolls up in a convertible to pick him up looking fierce as ever, and ready to go. Tasos runs out and is all "OMG OMG she's here!" and half of the guys start taking their shirts off (not kidding)
"PLEASE LOOK AT ME, ANDI!"
Andi waves in a cool girl fashion and rides off into the sunset with Prince Eric.
Eric and Andi are driving along and the wind is literally whipping Andi's hair all over the damn place. She's like "shit, I knew I should've put my hair up today" and they're trying to have a conversation, in a convertible, on the highway. IDK if you've ever tried to do that...but it's not possible.
Andi is very pumped because Eric is so cultural. I am honestly just curious as to how one affords to be an "explorer" of the world. Not trying to sound like a pessimist, but really.
So anyways. They go to the beach, build a sandle castle (on top of some weird dome?) and fly a kite. It's basically the most G rated date ever.
Then, all of the sudden a helicopter shows up.
HOLY SHIT A HELICOPTER ON THE BACHELOR/ETTE?! WTF! THIS IS SO NEW AND EXCITING.
So they fly around L.A. for a while and then pop on over to Bear Mountain so they transition from the beach to the mountain snow within a half hour. If I were on this date, I'd already be getting some sort of cold from the shift in weather.
"Ah, this date is so crazy!" they both exclaim (repeat x35)
They throw some snowballs at each other awkwardly, but there is cute music playing, so you know what, fine, okay. I'll go with this!
Then they snowboard and the instructor has already gotten to first base with Andi and Prince Eric is going to need to catch up.
Eric is really proud of Andi though, for at least trying to snowboard (which she fails at miserably, because, like myself, she's not coordinated athletically)
Andi tells us that Eric is "very hot and good at everything" which sounds like a romance novel character...AMIRIGHT?
So they sit down for champagne and food and talk about life. She asks him about his travels and whatnot, and honestly, it's actually the most interesting one on one date I've seen on this show in a while. It's actually a pretty deep talk in which Eric opens up to her about his near-death experience in Syria. Scary stuff!
Andi ends the date giving him the rose, obviously, because he's a Disney prince!
Next is the group date, in which many men participate in that I'm not even going to try and name here. But most of them! Okay?
The date card reads "let's bare souls" aka Magic Mike aka alright ladies, let's get ready for this! (cue "Ladies Night") Who is ready to objectify some men tonight?
Our favorite drunk frat guy, Craig, is very excited, so excited that he claims to "love" Andi. It's a little soon to be dropping the "L" bomb, but I'm pretty sure he's been wasted since he stepped in the mansion..so IDK.
They're going to be stripping and performing a show, but IT'S FOR CHARITY so it's okay.
Sound familiar?
Honestly, like obviously I'm a heterosexual, red blooded, American woman who enjoys shirtless men...HOWEVER. If we are being real. Andi was so freaking uncomfortable (rightly so) last season when Ass Wipe Juan Pablo told her to take off her clothes for a charity photoshoot.
How is this any different??
She's making these guys do the same thing, except they have to dance in front of crowds of horny, middle aged women.
That's kind of dangerous IMO!
I mean, can you imagine if the roles were reversed? If a Bachelor asked the female contestants to dance in front of men half naked? NO WAY.
I mean, in this case, I kind of have to side against Andi here...a little shady/hypocritical IMO, but whatever.
It's for CHARITY.
OK enough of my rant. Bring on the abs.
Firefighter Carl gets put into the firefighter stripper brigade, and we all know he is going to get sooo much shit when he gets back to his firehouse back home. Sorry bout it, Carl.
Cody, aka Macklemore on Roids is pumped! (because let's be honest, he probably already does this for a living anyways)
America's favorite drunk frat guy, Craig is very fun...almost too much fun...like fun on an alarming level. Like can someone calm him down?
Golfer Nick is assigned to the "robot stripper"...which is actually very cute to me. I would marry him. Maybe now, if he asked nice enough.
Tasos is taking this very seriously and practicing his routine as if it's this grand thing.
Marcus also gets assigned to his own single dance, and he is probably the last person who would ever be good at that sort of thing because he's so quiet and shy. So idk what the fuck Andi was thinking here.
So the show is about to begin when Bachelorette Andi brings out her gal pals from last season, Dog Lover Kelly, and the Ever-Organic Sharleen. They sit together in the VIP section, getting bottle service from CHarrison.
The sexy cowboys come on first and lasso the ladies with ropes, which is, I guess an appealing thing?
Andi goes "check out the packages" to her friends (ooh you DIRTY BIRD!)
Sexy Robot aka Golfer Nick gets a little too sexy to the point where his ass has to be edited out of primetime television...abc, America's Family Network.
Dylan starts dancing on CHarrison, who is loving it, if we're being honest. (Also, who invited CHarrison?!)
Patrick comes out and is very attractive. Hubba hubba, heart eye emoji, heart eye emoji. But he is sad that his boyfriend, Andrew can't be there.
Despite my opinion that Andi was a hypocrite for making these guys strip, they are absolutely loving it/the attention.
The grand finale arrives and it's Marcus, of course. And he really shines. Like if this whole marriage to Andi thing doesn't work out, he'd make a great stripper.
Andi's summation of the night was: "Wow, some of them looked like they've worked it before!"
And they probably have Andi, they probably have.
After Magic Mike 2 premiered, the gang all went out for drinks in a penthouse (the usual) and Party Boy Craig is getting a littttttle too fratty.
Everyone is really shocked by this, but I mean, I was under the impression he has been drunk the past two episodes so...? I'm not sure what the issue is here.
Andi comes out in a stunning black dress looking like she is going to cast a spell on these gents.
She pulls Bryan (bball coach/teacher) aside and tells him how proud she is of him and how he really shined tonight...aka SHE THIRSTY.
Of course, her dream boat, Josh (former NBA player) takes her aside for his time and tells her how he hasn't been serious about a girl in five years. "YEAH I DON'T DATE 'EM, I ONLY FUCK 'EM!"
Like come on, dude. He makes it sound like he hasn't been with a woman in five years. I find that very very difficult to believe. You were celibate for 5 years? With that face and body?
ME THINKS THERE'S A LIAR HERE.
Bradley the Opera Star, wants his time in the spotlight, so he sings Andi a lovely song (snore) and she is just like "wow...awesome..."
Clearly, he's putting on all the tricks.
To make conversation, Andi tells Bradley that 'Phantom of the Opera' is her favorite opera, and Bradley totally freaks the fuck out. He jumps up, starts screaming at her angrily, telling her that that piece of shit production is a sorry excuse for opera.
lol. I'm totally kidding. That didn't happen.
But seriously, if you have any opera-singer friends, tell them your favorite is 'Phantom of the Opera' and see what happens.
Anyways.
Frat Guy Craig is getting a little schwasty, like every man on dollar beer night at the local bar. He's acting like a hot fucking mess. He wants to see Andi so badly, saying he loves her and shit.
It's getting obnoxious. Some of the guys are trying to calm him down, and he responds by drinking more I guess...and also jumping in the pool fully clothed.
Andi, meanwhile, hears some hoots and hollering...goes to investigate.
[cue commercial break...ps: Oikos, you're wrong. No one would ever break up with John Stamos. Poor marketing]
Craig is getting crazier, he even pushes Patrick (Andrew is like 'DON'T YOU DARE TOUCH MY BOYFRIEND')
Andi is all "how did this happen? what is happening? what the hell is going on?" like she's never experienced a drunk man before in her entire life. She is so, so appalled by this behavior.
I guess she's never experienced a male having more than two fireball shots before.
PS Can we hook Craig up with that drunk girl from last season who jumped in the pool after the first group date?!?
Bachelorette Andi decides to give the rose to Marcus, for "being a good sport" and also because she LIKES DAT ASS.
Also, Marquel, the Cookie Man, is really upset that he didn't get his time with Andi tonight. :(
ON TO THE NEXT DATE.
Country Boy Chris from Iowa gets the second date. Bachelorette Andi decides to take Chris to the races, which neither of them have been to before.
"I'm definitely a city girl, but if Chris is what farmer boys look like, then I'm moving to the country." - Andi (me too)
Chris is so clearly already in love with Andi. He is seriously the most adorable creature. He keeps calling her his dream girl and--sorry I got distracted at this part because he took his shirt off.
Chris also seems like he miiiiight be the kind of guy who is waiting for sex till marriage (I doubt it), but you know, doesn't he??? It seems possible. He's just so freaking sweet.
While at the track, they start talking to this precious old couple who ask them how long they've been together (awkward)
Yeah, like we're supposed to believe the producers, once again, had nothing to do with this little encounter. Sure. Sure.
And I'm just saying, my grandma loves The Bachelor/ette and old people know this stuff. They live for this stuff.
But it was still cute, I'll give it that. They talk for a few minutes about love and life blah blah, and it's all very CUTE.
Andi then likens the men to horses, and I find that kind of disconcerting, but okay.
Chris tells her, "You're the one I was hoping for."
This guy is way too sweet though, and I am so done, and he is just...ahhh
He just makes me want to cry.
I was "awe"-ing so loudly in my living room that my dad had to come make sure I was okay at this part, BTW.
If Andi doesn't pick him then I will marry him. I will marry him right now.
TEAM IOWA.
They end the date with, of course, awkward private concert time!
And....and....
AND THIS SEASON'S FIRST KISS!! WOOO!
And he is the complete polar opposite of Juan Pablo, which makes me a happy camper.
Moving on.
We arrive at the cocktail party, pre-elimination.
The men are all sweating and rambling.
Again, so much sweat.
WHY ARE THEY SO SWEATY? IS IT 200 DEGREES THERE?
Craig tries to apologize for being a complete mess and sings Andi an adorable, yet pretty pathetic, song.
She laughs and claps, but we all know his ass is fried.
Rose Ceremony arrives, goes as follows:
1- Ron (?!)
2- Dylan (yay!)
3- JJ (pantsapreneur still going strong despite barely being in this week's episode)
4- Marquel (good God, that outfit..ick)
5- Andrew (of course they cut to his bromantic love interest, Patrick, looking nervous and sad)
6- Tasos (no surprise here)
7- Josh (former baller)
8- Cody (I'm gonna pop some tags, only got 20 dollas in my pocket)
9- Nick V. (FIR winner from last week)
10- Patrick (Andrew is like "whew!")
11- Bryan (teacher/bball player/all american stripper)
12- Brett (LAMP GUY AGAIN!? over the FIREFIGHTER?)
13- Bradley (What the fuck Andi?)
Sigh.
So she sends two of my early faves home already. Carl, the hot firefighter with the tattoos, and Golfer Nick aka Sexy Robot.
But she also sends Craig home, which had to happen, sorry.
She tells Craig "I have all the respect in the world for you" which is kind of odd considering she preceded that statement with "I couldn't get past it..." (aka his drunken shenanigans)
"I'll have to live with this mistake the rest of my life now," says Craig. OK CRAIG, CALM DOWN.
Top picks of the night/who I think will go far:
Farmer Chris for being the most adorable male specimen, Prince Eric the explorer for being beautiful, Former Baller Josh because he is obviously her dream boat and she is obviously very attracted to him, Nick V. for giving her that cute little date card despite not having a date at all with her, Dylan because I just think he's fucking sexy (although he is on the verge of needing a haircut..), Tasos still even though he seems a little spazzy I still think he's a romantic catch for her.
Winners of tonight:
Marcus- she clearly loves him
Bryan- for being a really good teacher, and also a really good stripper
CHarrison- for exsisting
Farmer Chris and Former Baller Josh- for getting the first kisses of the season
Losers of tonight:
Craig for looking like a manic drunk
Marquel for that horrific outfit
Whoever did the sock puppets at the cocktail party?!
Cody, for looking like Macklemore ate the Incredible Hulk
Me for drinking a bottle of wine
"STAWP" count:
9 (Andi, you're the one who needs to stawp apparently)
Hottie of the week:
Robot Stripper
Until next week y'all,
Kaitie
xo
PS Why is Andi dressed like an old lady in previews for next week?
Good night.
