Hey all! I hope you guys all had a marvelous Thanksgiving! I know I did. I ate so much that I was in physical pain, so I would say it was a successful year. There are so many things to be thankful for in life and I think we all really do forget that, which is why this holiday is so nice because it brings you together with loved ones and makes you appreciate one another...as well as the amazing-ness of mashed potatoes and gravy (appreciate).
It's been a while since I've blogged, and to my Russian fans, I'm sorry.
Anyways, I feel like there really is so much that I could say right now but today I thought I would try something a little different. Usually, the majority of these blogs are criticizing others and society in general. Today, I say, no.
Today, I will be criticizing myself.
No one is perfect, I can understand this. I definitely am not. Today has been a bad day as far as brains go for me. I don't know what it is but no amount of coffee can seem to save me on this horrid Monday. My moron-level is out of the roof. I hope that while reading this, some people may be able to feel better about themselves.
First off, let me say that I'm running on four hours of sleep. I woke up super early to drive back to school today and didn't sleep well last night so this might have something to do with it. Besides the fact that it's a Monday...and a Monday after a holiday weekend at that.
OK. So it all started when I got back to my apartment today. I put my key in the door and it would not open. I was sincerely panicking. Heart racing, palms sweating. I was locked out! Then I realized I was using my car key. Embarassing. But I got over it.
So then I get to my Marketing class this morning, but first I had to get a very large coffee. I spilled the coffee on my vagina. It kind of hurt, but it was more humiliating than anything because then there was this horrific wet spot on my crotch for at least an hour. It wasn't much and I am wearing dark pants, but inside I was very upset with myself.
Next, I go to the library and am reading while eating a granola bar and suddenly there is this large boom (for some reason, this university thinks it's okay to have a construction zone inside of the library in the middle of the day). I gasp and jump, then proceed to laugh at myself. I'm on the "silent reading" floor mind you, and I get shushed. Literally, someone said "SHH!" It's even more mortifying because I was laughing at myself, not even with someone.
At this point I already feel like an ass hole.
I go to my next class and make a vow to myself to be as non-embarassing as possible. So I'm sitting there, loving life, being silent when the professor starts talking and I'm totally blocking him out then suddenly he goes "Does anyone have any questions about the final exam?" So I raise my hand (WHICH I NEVER DO!...and vowed not to speak today, also..and I'm the only one who raised it) so he calls on me. Then I ask "Is the exam cumulative?" And he proceeds to answer, but I find it strange that a bunch of people are giving me weird looks and that he sounds annoyed. Then I realize he just explained it while I was blocking him out/updating my planner. FML. I'm one of those people....
Later in the same class period, we are discussing nature and what words come to mind when we think of nature. Everyone says all of these great words like "isolation" "peace" "inspiring" things like that. Then my prof calls on me and what do I say? What's the first thing that comes to mind, you ask? "Trees," I respond. -_-
I hate myself at this point.
Finally, I decide the best thing for me and all of humanity is for me to get home as soon as possible and avoid all human contact until that point. I get to the shuttle stop where I catch the bus to my apartment and there's this little red-headed BITCH who is always there and she always cuts in front of everyone to get on the bus first even if others have been there long before her. Seriously, she always does. It's rude and annoying. Just because you're like 4' 2" doesn't give you the right to cut everyone off in life!
Today, of course, was the day I decided to teach her a lesson.
I saw the shuttle coming on the horizon. I looked over at her. She was geared up, ready to go, pushing her little glasses up on her nose. This ginger was not going to beat me today!! I was there at least 5 minutes longer than her.
She starts inching forward. I start inching forward. The bus pulls up and I make my move, swift and sure.
HA! I've won! I have finally beaten the dwarf girl to the bus. Victory tasted sweet on my tongue.
Then...she gains on me!!!! I SWEAR! This girl is nuts. So I decide this is not happening. She can't cheat. I was to the door first. That is it. I open the door with all my might, and the wind knocks it open even more and hits the girl in the chest.
"I'm sorry!" I say. She says nothing, looking pissed as all hell.
I feel like I just punched a baby.
All this girl has is the fact that she is the first on the shuttle. She lives for this. And I tore it away from her and knocked her boobs with the heavy door.
What is wrong with me?
When I finally am in the safety of my own apartment, I realize my tank top under my shirt is on backwards.....
At this point it's only 2 in the afternoon. I sincerely hope nothing else goes too strangely for me today. The idiocy that is my life is starting to get out of hand.
So there you go. I can sit here and blog all I want about how stupid people are and how awkward people like Kristen Stewart are, but at the end of the day I'm the worst of them all.
Sigh.
Have a good week people, God help us all.
Until next time (or as the Russians would say: До следующего раза),
Kaitie xo
Monday, November 28, 2011
Wednesday, November 16, 2011
Happy Hump Day, my Little Deviants
Hey all! Hope everyone is having a splendid week. I know it's that rough time of year for college students. The assignments are building, finals are looming, Christmas is right around the corner and we're all poor AF and can't afford to buy our loved ones presents. But, it's the most wonderful time of the year.
I don't really have anything of amazing interest to talk about today. I just sort of am going to ramble, so good luck.
First off, I want to say thank you so much to everyone who reads this blog! I've officially hit 500 views (half of them I pay to read..) Who knew that people would actually care what I have to say? Loving you all! Baby monsters. Also...a shoutout to Grace Hirt for being the first person ever to tell me to get a blog. And also, thanks to my parents for having me and for mixing chromosomes to make the most awkward 20 year old ever. (overstatement probably) Another thanks to my Russian fanbase. According to my blog stats, I have quite a big one over there! Making a mental note to learn some Russian. Love Moscow in the summer. And finally a big thanks to all the idiots out there who make this blog so easy to write about.
Secondly, the poll has been closed about most over-talked about subject of the month. The winner is, of course, the loveable Kim Kardashian and her divorce from NBA star (?) Kris Humphries...who will be irrelevant in about two months and since there is a lockout will probably be working at your local Dunkin Donuts within the year. The second place winner was Justin Beiber and his baby-daddy allegation. I won't do these idiots the pleasure of talking about them, and quite frankly, they don't need to be talked about any fucking more. I'm done. You're done. We need to move on and start talking about more important things like why is Starbucks coffee so expensive and why is Snooki able to get a book published but I can't? Mysteries of life.
Alright, now let's real talk peeps.
Today in class we were talking about "The Guy Code" and "The Girl Code" (yes, this is what we do in college classes). The "Guy Code" as described my my text book (yes, text book) is as follows:
1. Boy's Don't Cry -- Well, okay, I get this. But girls that walk around crying all the time are looked down upon too. No one should show THAT much emotion.
2. It's better to be mad than sad -- when I get mad I tend to yell at inanimate objects, so in this way, I believe it's helpful
3. Don't get mad, get even. -- sounds like something from the Little Rascals
4. Take it like a man. --take what...exactly?
5. He who has the most toys when he dies, wins. -- sounds like a weird version of Monopoly
6. Just do it OR Ride or Die -- douchebagery
7. Size Matters -- if you're allowed to judge the size of my boobs, waist, ass, etc. I sure as hell am allowed to judge your dick size, ass wipe.
8. I don't stop to ask for directions -- haha, every guy I've ever known in life...
9. Nice guys finish last -- hence why almost everyone in society is a complete and utter tool
10. It's all Good -- the reason any couple has ever fought or argued
I found this list very intriguing for many reasons as stated above. Number 8 was extremely satisfying to me because I have never known a single person with a penis who has ever said "hmm, I think I'm lost, let me ask for directions" whereas a woman asks directions or googlemap's them before even thinking of leaving the house.
Life. is. funny that way.
Girls, we discussed, have a lot more freedom to do whatever they want. We can be strippers, senators, or senior vice presidents. We can be anything we want to be.
But we still have to wear a push up bra and heels while doing it.
Unless you're Hillary Clinton.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FdDqSvJ6aHc
Which reminded me of this skit, which I forever will love ^^
I had something else to write about but I completely forgot. Therefore, that's all I've got. Just a little something to get people through the week!
PS. If you don't know what the Hunger Games is....be sure to check out the links listed on the side of this page. Simply. Amazing.
Until next time,
Kaitie xo
I don't really have anything of amazing interest to talk about today. I just sort of am going to ramble, so good luck.
First off, I want to say thank you so much to everyone who reads this blog! I've officially hit 500 views (half of them I pay to read..) Who knew that people would actually care what I have to say? Loving you all! Baby monsters. Also...a shoutout to Grace Hirt for being the first person ever to tell me to get a blog. And also, thanks to my parents for having me and for mixing chromosomes to make the most awkward 20 year old ever. (overstatement probably) Another thanks to my Russian fanbase. According to my blog stats, I have quite a big one over there! Making a mental note to learn some Russian. Love Moscow in the summer. And finally a big thanks to all the idiots out there who make this blog so easy to write about.
Secondly, the poll has been closed about most over-talked about subject of the month. The winner is, of course, the loveable Kim Kardashian and her divorce from NBA star (?) Kris Humphries...who will be irrelevant in about two months and since there is a lockout will probably be working at your local Dunkin Donuts within the year. The second place winner was Justin Beiber and his baby-daddy allegation. I won't do these idiots the pleasure of talking about them, and quite frankly, they don't need to be talked about any fucking more. I'm done. You're done. We need to move on and start talking about more important things like why is Starbucks coffee so expensive and why is Snooki able to get a book published but I can't? Mysteries of life.
Alright, now let's real talk peeps.
Today in class we were talking about "The Guy Code" and "The Girl Code" (yes, this is what we do in college classes). The "Guy Code" as described my my text book (yes, text book) is as follows:
1. Boy's Don't Cry -- Well, okay, I get this. But girls that walk around crying all the time are looked down upon too. No one should show THAT much emotion.
2. It's better to be mad than sad -- when I get mad I tend to yell at inanimate objects, so in this way, I believe it's helpful
3. Don't get mad, get even. -- sounds like something from the Little Rascals
4. Take it like a man. --take what...exactly?
5. He who has the most toys when he dies, wins. -- sounds like a weird version of Monopoly
6. Just do it OR Ride or Die -- douchebagery
7. Size Matters -- if you're allowed to judge the size of my boobs, waist, ass, etc. I sure as hell am allowed to judge your dick size, ass wipe.
8. I don't stop to ask for directions -- haha, every guy I've ever known in life...
9. Nice guys finish last -- hence why almost everyone in society is a complete and utter tool
10. It's all Good -- the reason any couple has ever fought or argued
I found this list very intriguing for many reasons as stated above. Number 8 was extremely satisfying to me because I have never known a single person with a penis who has ever said "hmm, I think I'm lost, let me ask for directions" whereas a woman asks directions or googlemap's them before even thinking of leaving the house.
Life. is. funny that way.
Girls, we discussed, have a lot more freedom to do whatever they want. We can be strippers, senators, or senior vice presidents. We can be anything we want to be.
But we still have to wear a push up bra and heels while doing it.
Unless you're Hillary Clinton.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FdDqSvJ6aHc
Which reminded me of this skit, which I forever will love ^^
I had something else to write about but I completely forgot. Therefore, that's all I've got. Just a little something to get people through the week!
PS. If you don't know what the Hunger Games is....be sure to check out the links listed on the side of this page. Simply. Amazing.
Until next time,
Kaitie xo
Sunday, November 13, 2011
Random Topics for Discussion: Restaurants on Saturday Nights and Twihards
Hello, and happy Sunday. I hope everyone is having/had a pleasant weekend. I sure didn't. Only joking, sort of. Today, I am in hyper-procrastination mode. I did get some things done though, in my defense. I filed my nails and deleted my text messages. Big. Day.
Since I'm in such a procrastinating mood, I decided hey! I'll write a blog. So here I am. A few things to talk about. First up. Restaurants on Saturday nights.
First of all, let me just start out by saying that if you plan on going to a restaurant on a Saturday night after 6pm and do not have a reservation, you are an idiot and are setting yourself up for an hour and a half long wait. Unless you to go TGIF!Fridays or some shit like that. Even that is a wait. Or maybe you are prepared to wait. In that case, I reccommend eating a granola bar before you go out because it will be about two hours till you actually eat.
As stated above, don't go to a semi-nice restaurant after 6pm on a Saturday and expect to just walk right on in. I'm one of those idiots. My friend and I decided to have a girls night out (WOO!) and went to this Hibachi place.
The wait for two people was over an hour and a half.
We re-assessed the situation and called ahead to PF Changs at 6:30. They said they could get us in at 8. So whatever. We were totally not wasting our outfits. I put on mascara, for the love of God, I was NOT about to go eat McDonald's. You don't just waste mascara for nothing. OH and I was wearing heels--which never happens because I'm 6' 2" with them.
So we drove to PF Changs aka the most American Chinese food restaurant on the planet. Which I love. (woo! America!) We get to the plaza early so we're walking around, pretending to want to shop, but both of our stomachs are raging with anger. I am continuously burping up the hummus I had at 1 pm. Sorry, gross, I know.
I debate whether or not to look for Christmas gifts, since you know, I'm here and all. But then I panic and decide that I'd rather wait till December 20th at least, just so that I can be involved in a high-stress/panic situation because I thrive off of misery.
We head over at 7:45 and our table is not ready. I'm not mad. I just take it in stride. My friend however is getting cranky much like a baby when they go too long without eating. "Why can't anyone scoot over and let us sit?" she asks angrily, loud enough for all to hear, including getting us a few mean looks. I look over at the benches with elderly folk and families who look like they have been waiting for an hour and wish I could just tell her to shut the fuck up. But that's only because I'm crabby too and we didn't deserve the bench. Those people--they deserved it. We just waltzed right in, barely had to wait for 5 minutes. We were "those" people.
Anyways, so they sit us at this table which is in extremely close proximity to a couple next to us. The couple does not match. He is loud, obnoxious, calls the waitress over every five seconds, asks about everything on the menu..you know the type. I'm guessing the woman he was with was a new girlfriend--perhaps they were on one of their first dates. You could totally just tell. She was this quiet, demure, secretary/teacher type that sat straight up and took very small bites of food. I was mesmerized by them and their weirdness. They didn't say much unless he was talking loudly about the food or his life or his car. It was perplexing.
I learned numerous things about eating out at PF Changs on a Saturday night.
A- There are a lot of interesting people eating dinner in a close proximity.
B- Lots of white people.
C- Waitresses want you up and out within an hour.
D- Don't ask for that extra cup of rice, you ass hole.
E- Don't order too much of their tea. I have this theory that it's spiked. We were wired for at least two hours after drinking it with giddiness and all around joy.
F- You say that spending almost $30 on yourself is worth it...but deep down you want to die.
G- God forbid it take you longer than 5 minutes to get your card in the check holder.
H- IN AND OUT, IN AND OUT.
Seriously, we were done within an hour. So much for a fun, relaxing time at the restaurant. We had to keep moving so that poor family of six on the bench in the waiting area could be crammed onto a four top table next to someone who most likely is a loud, used car dealer, prick.
But, it's all in good fun.
NEXT TOPIC. Twihards.
I don't want to talk to much about this in fear that I may offend.
First and foremost, I like Twilight. I have nothing against it. I read it before it was popular, so I feel entitled to say that some people are just freaking too nuts about it. I must say, it's not the best writing. It's an interesting story...but come ON people...Breaking Dawn was like 800 pages of nothing except a teenage pregnancy and a whiny werewolf who marks his territory on a newborn.
I'm watching this youtube video with this bitch who is like crying with joy because she brushed Rob Pattinson's arm. She claims she will never wash her arm again. She will also never get laid.
Then they cast the most boring, awkward actress on the face of the planet to play the main character. Yes, I'm talking about K Stew. She's so awkward, and anyone who says differently might be deranged. How is it that we as a collective audience are supposed to believe that this pale, awkward, boring AF girl with big ears is supposed to make this sexy vampire and werewolf, oh, and all average human boys she encounters, fall in love with her?
Um, please.
I don't think she's a bad actress. I just think the character mix is frightening on many levels.
You have Rob Pattinson who's like this sexy train wreck with the dirtiest hair I've ever seen that can't seem to say anything without making everyone uncomfortable. Then there's Taylor Lautner, who's like this sexy guy with a dog face that has the voice of Mincus from Boy Meets World. You have the complacent dad character who's a cop that never seems to be around. This way too serious wolf pack that never wears shirts but always seems to have an endless supply of cut off shorts. This pale, weird vampire family that never smiles except for that pixie girl with the flawless face. These people take themselves too seriously and I almost wish that the Volturi cult/monks/vampires whatever killed them all in the end because at least then it would be interesting.
BUT.
I'm not dissing it.
I love it, really.
It may sound like I'm dissing it, but it's out of love. The only reason that so many people even really hate Twilight is because it's popular and crazy now.
Twihards, my advice to you, is to find a new hobby. Otherwise you most likely will never have a life.
Or maybe try and broaden your horizons and read another book with actual, literary merit.
At the end of the day, yes, I will be in line that first weekend buying my ticket for Breaking Dawn Part 1 (because there couldn't just be one 2 hour long movie where we get to stare at Kristen Stewart with her mouth slightly agape and Rob Pattinson look like he's trying really hard not to poop, no we needed two--greedy studio) and I will most likely enjoy the movie but say I don't only because those three 13 year olds I am stuck sitting in front of will be squealing every time Jacob shows up on screen and cries at the end when Bella inevitably will have her half human/vampire baby with golden hair and flawless skin. They will ruin it for me.
So thanks Twihards, for being complete idiots that ruin the fun of enjoying a book/movie. Thanks, a lot.
Sorry if this blog post was unbelievably random/boring/useless, but honestly, if you don't like it, you don't have to read it.
Until next time,
Kaitie xo
Since I'm in such a procrastinating mood, I decided hey! I'll write a blog. So here I am. A few things to talk about. First up. Restaurants on Saturday nights.
First of all, let me just start out by saying that if you plan on going to a restaurant on a Saturday night after 6pm and do not have a reservation, you are an idiot and are setting yourself up for an hour and a half long wait. Unless you to go TGIF!Fridays or some shit like that. Even that is a wait. Or maybe you are prepared to wait. In that case, I reccommend eating a granola bar before you go out because it will be about two hours till you actually eat.
As stated above, don't go to a semi-nice restaurant after 6pm on a Saturday and expect to just walk right on in. I'm one of those idiots. My friend and I decided to have a girls night out (WOO!) and went to this Hibachi place.
The wait for two people was over an hour and a half.
We re-assessed the situation and called ahead to PF Changs at 6:30. They said they could get us in at 8. So whatever. We were totally not wasting our outfits. I put on mascara, for the love of God, I was NOT about to go eat McDonald's. You don't just waste mascara for nothing. OH and I was wearing heels--which never happens because I'm 6' 2" with them.
So we drove to PF Changs aka the most American Chinese food restaurant on the planet. Which I love. (woo! America!) We get to the plaza early so we're walking around, pretending to want to shop, but both of our stomachs are raging with anger. I am continuously burping up the hummus I had at 1 pm. Sorry, gross, I know.
I debate whether or not to look for Christmas gifts, since you know, I'm here and all. But then I panic and decide that I'd rather wait till December 20th at least, just so that I can be involved in a high-stress/panic situation because I thrive off of misery.
We head over at 7:45 and our table is not ready. I'm not mad. I just take it in stride. My friend however is getting cranky much like a baby when they go too long without eating. "Why can't anyone scoot over and let us sit?" she asks angrily, loud enough for all to hear, including getting us a few mean looks. I look over at the benches with elderly folk and families who look like they have been waiting for an hour and wish I could just tell her to shut the fuck up. But that's only because I'm crabby too and we didn't deserve the bench. Those people--they deserved it. We just waltzed right in, barely had to wait for 5 minutes. We were "those" people.
Anyways, so they sit us at this table which is in extremely close proximity to a couple next to us. The couple does not match. He is loud, obnoxious, calls the waitress over every five seconds, asks about everything on the menu..you know the type. I'm guessing the woman he was with was a new girlfriend--perhaps they were on one of their first dates. You could totally just tell. She was this quiet, demure, secretary/teacher type that sat straight up and took very small bites of food. I was mesmerized by them and their weirdness. They didn't say much unless he was talking loudly about the food or his life or his car. It was perplexing.
I learned numerous things about eating out at PF Changs on a Saturday night.
A- There are a lot of interesting people eating dinner in a close proximity.
B- Lots of white people.
C- Waitresses want you up and out within an hour.
D- Don't ask for that extra cup of rice, you ass hole.
E- Don't order too much of their tea. I have this theory that it's spiked. We were wired for at least two hours after drinking it with giddiness and all around joy.
F- You say that spending almost $30 on yourself is worth it...but deep down you want to die.
G- God forbid it take you longer than 5 minutes to get your card in the check holder.
H- IN AND OUT, IN AND OUT.
Seriously, we were done within an hour. So much for a fun, relaxing time at the restaurant. We had to keep moving so that poor family of six on the bench in the waiting area could be crammed onto a four top table next to someone who most likely is a loud, used car dealer, prick.
But, it's all in good fun.
NEXT TOPIC. Twihards.
I don't want to talk to much about this in fear that I may offend.
First and foremost, I like Twilight. I have nothing against it. I read it before it was popular, so I feel entitled to say that some people are just freaking too nuts about it. I must say, it's not the best writing. It's an interesting story...but come ON people...Breaking Dawn was like 800 pages of nothing except a teenage pregnancy and a whiny werewolf who marks his territory on a newborn.
I'm watching this youtube video with this bitch who is like crying with joy because she brushed Rob Pattinson's arm. She claims she will never wash her arm again. She will also never get laid.
Then they cast the most boring, awkward actress on the face of the planet to play the main character. Yes, I'm talking about K Stew. She's so awkward, and anyone who says differently might be deranged. How is it that we as a collective audience are supposed to believe that this pale, awkward, boring AF girl with big ears is supposed to make this sexy vampire and werewolf, oh, and all average human boys she encounters, fall in love with her?
Um, please.
I don't think she's a bad actress. I just think the character mix is frightening on many levels.
You have Rob Pattinson who's like this sexy train wreck with the dirtiest hair I've ever seen that can't seem to say anything without making everyone uncomfortable. Then there's Taylor Lautner, who's like this sexy guy with a dog face that has the voice of Mincus from Boy Meets World. You have the complacent dad character who's a cop that never seems to be around. This way too serious wolf pack that never wears shirts but always seems to have an endless supply of cut off shorts. This pale, weird vampire family that never smiles except for that pixie girl with the flawless face. These people take themselves too seriously and I almost wish that the Volturi cult/monks/vampires whatever killed them all in the end because at least then it would be interesting.
BUT.
I'm not dissing it.
I love it, really.
It may sound like I'm dissing it, but it's out of love. The only reason that so many people even really hate Twilight is because it's popular and crazy now.
Twihards, my advice to you, is to find a new hobby. Otherwise you most likely will never have a life.
Or maybe try and broaden your horizons and read another book with actual, literary merit.
At the end of the day, yes, I will be in line that first weekend buying my ticket for Breaking Dawn Part 1 (because there couldn't just be one 2 hour long movie where we get to stare at Kristen Stewart with her mouth slightly agape and Rob Pattinson look like he's trying really hard not to poop, no we needed two--greedy studio) and I will most likely enjoy the movie but say I don't only because those three 13 year olds I am stuck sitting in front of will be squealing every time Jacob shows up on screen and cries at the end when Bella inevitably will have her half human/vampire baby with golden hair and flawless skin. They will ruin it for me.
So thanks Twihards, for being complete idiots that ruin the fun of enjoying a book/movie. Thanks, a lot.
Sorry if this blog post was unbelievably random/boring/useless, but honestly, if you don't like it, you don't have to read it.
Until next time,
Kaitie xo
Tuesday, November 8, 2011
To Date or Not to Date, that is the Question
Hello bloggers! Hope everyone had a fulfilling weekend (doubtful)! I know I sure didn't!
This weekend was counterproductive in many ways. Not only did I not do anything of actual use, I spent way too much money on things I truly didn't need. Such a girl problem, I know.
I spent too much money on clothes specifically. Yes, shame...shame. The purchasing of sweaters was necessary though for it is getting cold out and I need something more fashionable than my outdated sweaters from freshman year (of high school).
And you boys can shut up. I know Call of Duty 16 or whatever is coming out this week and that you will all be spending big bucks to buy it. If you're allowed to spend $60 on a video game that you'll play in a night I'm allowed to spend $60 on 5 sweaters that I can wear all winter.
Anyways, to the point.
From a very young age, us girls are told "You're going to meet the perfect man and he is going to love you for who you are!" blah blah whatever. Usually, more realistic parents will say: "You're going to probably meet your husband in college, please don't get pregnant till you graduate."
And so far, it's looking promising for many young adults. Plenty of girls I know are meeting the love of their life and HURAH! It's very exciting indeed.
But where does that leave the rest of us?
AND do I really even want to start thinking about that?
I can tell you that I personally do not. The thought scares me to death and I literally want to run to the bathroom and crap myself right now thinking about where I'll be in 5 years. (homeless, alone...most likely)
I believe in love, let me just say that. It exists, I've seen it. I'm not THAT bitter.
However, it can't exist for all and I'm sick of people thinking that it can.
Usually you meet your significant other through a friend, or at a bar, or at a party, or at some group/organization, sometimes even in class...
But once we get to the real world and out of the college bubble and we're still alone...then what?!
It's a scary word: dating.
Yes, we must date my friends. I know. I know. It's frightening. And you're right, we don't HAVE to. We could always just have arranged marriages like they did back in the day. Times were easier then, after all.
And of course, we don't have to date. Some people are perfectly happy being single. Yay for you! I'm so glad.
I for one don't even want to think about marriage or kids until I'm close to 30...but still, the time to act is approaching.
10 years ago I was raising Barbies. 10 years from now I may be raising actual, real life, human babies that breathe and cry and poop and have actual needs besides which pair of pink pumps looks best with a fake plastic vagina covered in a sequined mini-skirt.
ANYWAYS. I'm getting ahead of myself...again (shocker)
Dating.
OK, back to the point.
Dating is one of the most, if not the most, awkward forms of human communication on the planet.
Most likely you are going out with a person you barely know. Speaking from a female's perspective I must discuss the process. We worry for days about how to act on said date. The day of the date you shower AND shave your legs (not that he'll be touching them...yet, I'm not that big of a hussy)...and moisturize. You go through 6 outfits at least and end up changing ten minutes before he arrives anyways. What shoes to wear. Heels? Too dressy? What if you're taller than him? No. Flats. Too teacher-y? No. Boots. (summer?) See, problems.
Most likely the guy won't care what you're wearing and if he does, you might as well not bother because he is almost definitely gay. But still. We worry that way.
How much make up is too much? Should I bring floss? What perfume will he like better? Am I wearing deoderant? Will it last the whole night? Are my nails chipping? Why are my bangs doing that? Will this gas go away from the burrito I ate three days ago? Why is the pimple growing and laughing at me? Curly hair or straight hair? Push up bra or no push up bra? Do I want him to think I'm a D cup, really? Should we start this relationship based off of THAT lie? Is wearing this low cut shirt too desperate? Are these skinny jeans too tight? Does my butt look flat? Does my butt look big? Can you see my love handles through this shirt?
-doorbell rings-
You answer happily and in an overly excited manner. He is not as thrilled, but still equally happy. The drive is a bit awkward. You talk about your days. He will drone about work, at this point you try not to talk about the burrito that gave you gas or complain too much about work/school/life in general. Also, avoid gossiping. Basically, if you are a girl, there is not much to talk about at this point it you aren't complaining or talking shit about someone.
You arrive at the restaurant--Applebees. You are extremely overdressed and embarassed to be there. Eating good in the neighborhood, I suppose. At this point, if you are as awkward as I am, you've run out of things to talk about. So you talk about the menu, or the weather, or the fact that your waiter reminds you of your sister/brother/cat/etc. Order an iced tea. It says you're serious and a little bit different.
What to order food wise? Hmm. If you order a salad, you'll look like one of THOSE GIRLS that guys claim to hate (yeah...ok). If you order a burger, you'll most likely get ketchup on your pants. If you order pasta you'll have to clean your chin every five seconds. You decide on a wrap.
So while you sit trying to awkwardly make conversation, you hope that your looks are enough to get you through the evening. Then you get your food and sure enough the wrap falls apart and you're at a complete loss. Meanwhile, the guy is eating his burger happily, loving life, and just kind of watching you (while also checking his phone).
You decide to skip dessert and the check is brought. At this point it hasn't even been an hour. You go to a movie and that awkward moment arises where you don't know who should pay. He insisted on paying for dinner, does that mean he will insist on paying for the movie too, or should you offer again? Should you get popcorn and sno-caps, or will you look like a fat ass? You did just eat dinner. Forget it, you get a cup of water, not a bottle (those are like $6 at movie theaters). At least you guys don't have to talk at this point. He may inch closer to you, this is a good sign. If he is as far away from you as possible, you might as well get up and leave because there is no point in dating someone who acts like you have herpes.
The night finally comes to an end and he drops you off. You awkwardly wait for him to open up your door. For some reason, you just know when a guy is going to do it. He gets out of his door really, super, Edward Cullen, fast or will even say "I'll get it". He walks you to your door. If you're a smart girl, you'll go in for a hug. If you're smart and kind of horny, you'll give him a light kiss (this depends on how long you know him, if this is literally the first meeting, I may judge you), or if you're me you give him a high five for making it through the night.
Sigh.
You walk into your house/apartment/etc. and see your roommate is watching a really good ABC Family original movie and it's almost over and at this point you really wish you wouldn't have wasted your time getting ready and going out with a poor guy that you just high fived.
Huh, after reading this I realize why I'm single.
No, just kidding. We all know I'm single because I have herpes.
Kidding, again.
The moral of the story is this: dating is awkward. It just isn't all that great. It's so much better for love and romance to just happen naturally. This is why I thank God for texting. It isn't nearly as awkward as face to face communication.
I think when you meet someone, you just know if it's going to work out. And if they want it to work out, you'll know too.
Forcing yourself to date is just sad. It's not worth all the effort and hype. It's almost the worst thing ever, I can argue.
Thank God for original TV movies and Dove Chocolate.
I know this was a long one, and if you made it through, thanks for your time,
Until next time,
Kaitie xo
***Also! This blog officially has 400 views! Thanks so much for reading, and I hope to have some good ones coming!
This weekend was counterproductive in many ways. Not only did I not do anything of actual use, I spent way too much money on things I truly didn't need. Such a girl problem, I know.
I spent too much money on clothes specifically. Yes, shame...shame. The purchasing of sweaters was necessary though for it is getting cold out and I need something more fashionable than my outdated sweaters from freshman year (of high school).
And you boys can shut up. I know Call of Duty 16 or whatever is coming out this week and that you will all be spending big bucks to buy it. If you're allowed to spend $60 on a video game that you'll play in a night I'm allowed to spend $60 on 5 sweaters that I can wear all winter.
Anyways, to the point.
From a very young age, us girls are told "You're going to meet the perfect man and he is going to love you for who you are!" blah blah whatever. Usually, more realistic parents will say: "You're going to probably meet your husband in college, please don't get pregnant till you graduate."
And so far, it's looking promising for many young adults. Plenty of girls I know are meeting the love of their life and HURAH! It's very exciting indeed.
But where does that leave the rest of us?
AND do I really even want to start thinking about that?
I can tell you that I personally do not. The thought scares me to death and I literally want to run to the bathroom and crap myself right now thinking about where I'll be in 5 years. (homeless, alone...most likely)
I believe in love, let me just say that. It exists, I've seen it. I'm not THAT bitter.
However, it can't exist for all and I'm sick of people thinking that it can.
Usually you meet your significant other through a friend, or at a bar, or at a party, or at some group/organization, sometimes even in class...
But once we get to the real world and out of the college bubble and we're still alone...then what?!
It's a scary word: dating.
Yes, we must date my friends. I know. I know. It's frightening. And you're right, we don't HAVE to. We could always just have arranged marriages like they did back in the day. Times were easier then, after all.
And of course, we don't have to date. Some people are perfectly happy being single. Yay for you! I'm so glad.
I for one don't even want to think about marriage or kids until I'm close to 30...but still, the time to act is approaching.
10 years ago I was raising Barbies. 10 years from now I may be raising actual, real life, human babies that breathe and cry and poop and have actual needs besides which pair of pink pumps looks best with a fake plastic vagina covered in a sequined mini-skirt.
ANYWAYS. I'm getting ahead of myself...again (shocker)
Dating.
OK, back to the point.
Dating is one of the most, if not the most, awkward forms of human communication on the planet.
Most likely you are going out with a person you barely know. Speaking from a female's perspective I must discuss the process. We worry for days about how to act on said date. The day of the date you shower AND shave your legs (not that he'll be touching them...yet, I'm not that big of a hussy)...and moisturize. You go through 6 outfits at least and end up changing ten minutes before he arrives anyways. What shoes to wear. Heels? Too dressy? What if you're taller than him? No. Flats. Too teacher-y? No. Boots. (summer?) See, problems.
Most likely the guy won't care what you're wearing and if he does, you might as well not bother because he is almost definitely gay. But still. We worry that way.
How much make up is too much? Should I bring floss? What perfume will he like better? Am I wearing deoderant? Will it last the whole night? Are my nails chipping? Why are my bangs doing that? Will this gas go away from the burrito I ate three days ago? Why is the pimple growing and laughing at me? Curly hair or straight hair? Push up bra or no push up bra? Do I want him to think I'm a D cup, really? Should we start this relationship based off of THAT lie? Is wearing this low cut shirt too desperate? Are these skinny jeans too tight? Does my butt look flat? Does my butt look big? Can you see my love handles through this shirt?
-doorbell rings-
You answer happily and in an overly excited manner. He is not as thrilled, but still equally happy. The drive is a bit awkward. You talk about your days. He will drone about work, at this point you try not to talk about the burrito that gave you gas or complain too much about work/school/life in general. Also, avoid gossiping. Basically, if you are a girl, there is not much to talk about at this point it you aren't complaining or talking shit about someone.
You arrive at the restaurant--Applebees. You are extremely overdressed and embarassed to be there. Eating good in the neighborhood, I suppose. At this point, if you are as awkward as I am, you've run out of things to talk about. So you talk about the menu, or the weather, or the fact that your waiter reminds you of your sister/brother/cat/etc. Order an iced tea. It says you're serious and a little bit different.
What to order food wise? Hmm. If you order a salad, you'll look like one of THOSE GIRLS that guys claim to hate (yeah...ok). If you order a burger, you'll most likely get ketchup on your pants. If you order pasta you'll have to clean your chin every five seconds. You decide on a wrap.
So while you sit trying to awkwardly make conversation, you hope that your looks are enough to get you through the evening. Then you get your food and sure enough the wrap falls apart and you're at a complete loss. Meanwhile, the guy is eating his burger happily, loving life, and just kind of watching you (while also checking his phone).
You decide to skip dessert and the check is brought. At this point it hasn't even been an hour. You go to a movie and that awkward moment arises where you don't know who should pay. He insisted on paying for dinner, does that mean he will insist on paying for the movie too, or should you offer again? Should you get popcorn and sno-caps, or will you look like a fat ass? You did just eat dinner. Forget it, you get a cup of water, not a bottle (those are like $6 at movie theaters). At least you guys don't have to talk at this point. He may inch closer to you, this is a good sign. If he is as far away from you as possible, you might as well get up and leave because there is no point in dating someone who acts like you have herpes.
The night finally comes to an end and he drops you off. You awkwardly wait for him to open up your door. For some reason, you just know when a guy is going to do it. He gets out of his door really, super, Edward Cullen, fast or will even say "I'll get it". He walks you to your door. If you're a smart girl, you'll go in for a hug. If you're smart and kind of horny, you'll give him a light kiss (this depends on how long you know him, if this is literally the first meeting, I may judge you), or if you're me you give him a high five for making it through the night.
Sigh.
You walk into your house/apartment/etc. and see your roommate is watching a really good ABC Family original movie and it's almost over and at this point you really wish you wouldn't have wasted your time getting ready and going out with a poor guy that you just high fived.
Huh, after reading this I realize why I'm single.
No, just kidding. We all know I'm single because I have herpes.
Kidding, again.
The moral of the story is this: dating is awkward. It just isn't all that great. It's so much better for love and romance to just happen naturally. This is why I thank God for texting. It isn't nearly as awkward as face to face communication.
I think when you meet someone, you just know if it's going to work out. And if they want it to work out, you'll know too.
Forcing yourself to date is just sad. It's not worth all the effort and hype. It's almost the worst thing ever, I can argue.
Thank God for original TV movies and Dove Chocolate.
I know this was a long one, and if you made it through, thanks for your time,
Until next time,
Kaitie xo
***Also! This blog officially has 400 views! Thanks so much for reading, and I hope to have some good ones coming!
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