I just want to talk about a few things today, a few thoughts that sprung from my recent social outing in which I attended The 1975's outdoor concert. I had no idea what I would be getting myself into.
Calling these young girls "raging, viscious, psychopaths" would be putting it lightly.
Let me paint this picture for you.
We get there a few hours early to wait in line in order to get into the mosh pit...okay, fine. But then, there are literally hundreds of other girls waiting in line...girls that should probably be in algebra class. Whatever, I won't be calling your truancy officer or anything, I'm just concerned that your parents are letting you skip school to stand in line for a concert.
So moving on...
We finally get inside and the pit is seemingly, you know, okay...nothing too crazy. Girls are standing there, ready to dance and sing, blah blah.
But then the concert starts.
You don't know violence until you've seen a bunch of 14-19 year old girls vying for the attention of a young British rock star. I was pushed, pulled, molested, attacked, and every side of my body was crammed. I couldn't even move my hand without getting some girl's fake red hair stuck in my fingers.
I understand how mosh pits work, but I suppose I didn't understand how teenage girl mosh pits work. I was afraid for my life.
Girls started throwing their training bra's on stage. One girl, who was probably 15, had a sign that said: "Fuck Me Matty, Please!" (at least she was polite..?)
HONEY, FIND JESUS.
I'm too old for this shit.
When I was that age, I was terrified of sex and was convinced that if a penis came anywhere near me that I would become pregnant and have syphilis for the rest of my life (I watched a lot of Lifetime when I was younger, I also went to Catholic school for 8 years..)
If you tried to move up at all in the mosh pit, you better believe a teenage girl would turn to you and yell "you're a fucking bitch!" then claw you.
Me:
Also, when we started singing City High's 'What Would You Do' no one around us knew what we were singing. Seriously? Was that song before your time or something? That is the best song of our generation (okay not really..but..) How dare you.
I'm too old for this shit
I understand there's a lot of estrogen and hormones floating about, but good God, I just wasn't prepared. Then after the concert, these girls were waiting out by the band's tour bus for hours...hours. I know, because after we left to go get food and drinks at the bar two blocks away, we walked back and they were still there....waiting. At 2 am.
One girl says "I don't even care. My parents are here to pick us up, and we have school in five hours, but I am going to meet Matty."
Clearly, she was not going to meet Matty, and clearly her parents are the worst for encouraging this behavior.
Anyway, after that night, I realized that I really am just too old for this shit.
Being on the brink of 23, I didn't think I could feel old so soon...but I go to the bars now and see these girls, younger than me, dancing on the bar top, taking shots from strangers, letting older, creepy guys grab their ass just to get them to buy them a drink...and it makes me ill.
I'm wayyy too old for that shit.
And I consider myself pretty 'in touch' with the popular happenings of the world. And I'm not trying to turn this into a mommy blog or something, but I'm sorry that I didn't know what 'bae' actually meant, and I'm sorry that I didn't know crop tops were back in, and I'm sorry that I didn't know subtweeting was the new way to attack a friend.
I'm too old. For this shit.
I just feel like teenagers have always been crazy little creatures. I know I was. But I feel like the worst things me and my friends did is now the normal thing that some young ones do. I can't even handle that stuff now.
I could never walk to a bar in stiletto's and a mini-skirt in rainy, cold weather. Maybe there was a time that I could, but now I can't. When there are women my age who do this regularly, I just don't know, I guess I get confused. Aren't you embarassed?
I believe that anyone should wear anything they want, FINE. But are you really trying to tell me you feel comfortable and 'yourself' in those cheetah print mini shorts and sparkled bra--I mean crop top?
If so, then okay. Great.
I'm just personally too old for that shit.
If a bar has more than 25 people at it, I want to turn around and go home, drink alone, and watch Netflix. Unless I am in the mood to deal with the crowds (which is rare)
I'm sorry that I do not want to fight my way through the three layer crowd surrounding the bar to spend $9 on a drink that will give me a dixie cup sized amount of actual alcohol and the rest ice.
I'm too old for this shit.
I go to Taco Bell after the bar and there is a line of drunk ass holes demanding chicken nuggets and dumping Fire sauce in their mouth...
Too old. For Fire sauce.
When no one wants to pay for a cab so all 11 of us have to pile in one sober person's Ford Focus..
I'm too old, man.
Spending a drunken night at a friend's apartment where I have to sleep on the floor without a pillow.
TOO OLD. FOR THAT.
The next time I will HAVE to clean up anyone else's puke aside from my own will be when I have small children. I am no longer cleaning up your puke.
Because guess the fuck what? I'm too old for this shit.
In conclusion, there are so many instances in every day life in which I say "oh dear, I am too old for this shit." I look at people younger than me, having what they consider fun and doing whatever it is they do, and I get nervous...but ultimately, at the end of the day, it's their life. We've all been there, we've all done weird shit that made no sense like stand in a crowd of horny teenagers at a concert, hoping to God we don't get killed or wear 6 inch heels when we very well knew that the walk to the bar was over two miles.
So live your life kids. Do what you want to do. But this is my declaration that I'll be in my yoga pants, in the corner, drinking a beer, ready for a nap, and wondering what the hell your parents were thinking.
Until next time,
Kaitie
xo
PS: I would like to say that not all teenage girls are completely awful. I have a teenage sister who is pretty cool, at least when she is not making fun of me for not knowing what 'bae' means.
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