Good evening blogger world! Hope everyone is having a wonderful night. Tomorrow is hump day so yay! I cannot wait for this weekend. I can never really wait for the weekend though. I've never honestly met someone that's said "YES I'm so glad it's Wednesday! Woo!" But I mean, to each their own.
Tonight I want to talk about girls. I know, I know, that's really all I talk about anyways. But you know, since I am one and all, I figured it would be most productive. For all the girls out there, I do not wish to offend, first off! I am writing all of this from experience, so who am I to judge? Hopefully you will find it entertaining and be able to smile and nod and say "yeah, that's me".
For the guys out there (all 2 of you..HI DAD!), learn from this. This is why we are the way we are. Take it or leave it.
I will go by a few subjects.
We'll start with....
Vicotria's Secret:
Ah, yes, what a glorious land it is. The land where both women and men can feel free to oogle. Girls may cry and squeal over the sequin bra that is made of real Savorski crystals and makes you miraculously go from a B cup to a double D. Boys get to pretend to feel awkward when really inside they are ecstatic at the thought of their girlfriend in a leapord thong, or you know that hot girl he's been creeping on since he walked in forced by his mom and sister.
Why do we love it so much?
Because it's cute. It's sexy. And girls need to feel that way sometimes, even if it's in the privacy of their own homes.
There is nothing quite as exciting to a young female as a Victoria's secret Semi-Annual sale. Walking into that store with those big pink bins just brimming with bra's, panties, and beauty products. It's a dream come true.
Then you walk over to the PINK section in all it's 14-year old slutty glory.
Yes, I will buy a $50 sweatshirt that says "Let's Get Naked" for my 12 year old daughter...because it's cool.
For young women, this area is fun, light hearted, makes you happy. Those yoga pants are so cute! And yes! Finally an athletic shirt with my (boyfriend's..) favorite team on it that is low cut and makes me feel cute and not like a male!
But for girls under the age of 16. STOP. These clothes are not appropriate for you. You shouldn't be wearing bright pink thongs that say "Do me" on them! Shame, shame, shame!! First of all, how can you afford such a thing? You aren't old enough to work.
Wait...you mean your PARENTS buy it for you?
Give me your mother's number, I need to have a word with her about how her daughter will be on an MTV show (cough cough Teen Mom) in like, oh, 9 months. (By the by, has anyone ever noticed how every single girl on that show wears VS PINK stuff all the time? Do they, like, endorse the show? I don't understand...well I guess they must endorse it...you know, given the whole 'Your Boyfriend Says Hi' written on the thongs made for pre-teens--whatever happened to Limited Too?!)
I digress...
People often ask me "Kaitie, why do you bother buying things from Victoria's Secret when you don't have a boyfriend and aren't doing the dirty?" (ok, so no one asks me that...that would be extremely rude)
I want to answer "Because, my little friend, I like to FEEL good. OKAY?!"
Newsflash people, we don't always buy underwear to impress our boyfriends. We're doing it for ourselves now. Thank you corporate America, thank you.
Cool Nail Polish Designs
"I don't get it" any male will say when you explain to them how absolutely horrendous your nails look. They're so chipped and I just did them two days ago! UGH!
Wouldn't that ANNOY you, boy?
Apparently not.
But it bugs me when I'm buying this OPI crap that's like, 9 dollars a bottle and it chips the very next day. I don't see why. It's not like I do anything with my time that requires nails to be chipped, you know, like any physical activity.
"Why do you need zebra print nails?" he asks.
"WHY DO YOU NEED TO WEAR THOSE STUPID MAGNETIC BALANCE BRACELETS?!" They don't serve a purpose, but they LOOK COOL.
Isn't that the whole point in life, to look cool?
Nail art is art. Some people just don't understand this.
Amen, Sally Hansen. Amen.
Be right back, that reminds me...gotta go put some top coat on....
Being "Classy"
As women we are expected to be the "classier" counterpart. It is why when girls burp or fart it is so hilarious and/or horrifying. It's why when boys make comments about their masturbation habits, we are supposed to be appalled and scold them.
Society has taught us this. Women are supposed to keep the men in line.
Can you imagine what a mess life would be if it were the other way around?
The prime example is Becky (we'll call her this, she doesn't really exist, but you know..this is how I role)
Becky is calm and sophisticated. She does well in school, gets good grades, is on the swim team, she's got a good group of girl friends, goes to church every Sunday, and every guy wants to totally bang her.
Well, Becky gets asked out by this hot guy, we'll call him Brian. Brian and Becky go out to dinner. She giggles, not laughs, not cackles, giggles at everything he says that is somewhat funny. It's cute. It's a fun time. At the end of the night, she thanks him, he walks her to her door and they peck each other on the lips.
Very next night Becky's going out with her girls.
Give Becky a few vodka sodas and she is not giggling.
She is cackling, getting up on the stripper pole at the club, and rapping Lil Wayne songs about "juicy pus*y" <<see, do you see that censorship?...it's because I am acting "classy". Her boob is also popping out, by the way.
That is the real Becky, the hot mess that comes out to play when she's with her comrades. Give her two to three months with Brian and her true self will come out.
Class is not defined as how well a lady behaves. It's how well a lady PRETENDS to behave IN FRONT of people she doesn't know as well, or you know, her grandmother.
To me, that is class.
So next time a girl is like "that girl is trashy" you can just turn around and say "bitch please, you're not so classy yourself in your push up bra".
I'm sure that Audrey Hepburn would be at the club singing Lil Jon's "Get Low" if she were alive today..right? We've all got freak flags.
US Weekly, People, Star, Cosmo, but most specifically "Stars Without Makeup"
This will not be the first time I talk about makeup in this extremely long blog post, but this portion in particular makes me giddy.
Women love magazines.
I enjoy reading the Times and CNN.com's stories as much as the next.
But there is just something about that trashy magazine at the counter by the check out line.
Wait, Jennifer Aniston is pregnant?! You mean, she's finally over Brad?! I HAVE TO GET THIS.
Kim Kardashian's boobs aren't real? I hate that whore, I HAVE TO GET THIS.
Kristie Alley is fat...again!? I HAVE TO GET THIS.
Ryan Reynolds is dating Blake Lively?! No, my life is over! I HAVE TO GET THIS.
It's just addicting. I can't fully explain why, but it just is.
My favorite section in particular is the "Stars: They're Just Like Us!".
Oh, please.
Yes, us plus about 25 million dollars.
They show, like, Jessica Alba playing with her kids and shit like that or Ryan Gosling walking his dog.
I'll tell you something that defeats this whole purpose: Stars who are filling up their tank of gas at Sheetz with random papparazzi's like you, US Weekly, watching and recording them...ARE NOT LIKE US. I do not have people following me to the dentist and waiting outside for me when I'm done to shoot a few pictures and say "She's just like us! She got a filling!" No.
Stop.
The next section I absolutely die for and can never resist buying is the "stars without makeup" issue. HAHA!
You come to realize that yeah, okay, maybe stars really are like us--meaning they're butt freaking ugly without some eyeliner.
If I were a celeb I would never, EVER go out of the house without makeup on. Because I know that freaking US Weekly would be sitting there, stalking away with their little camera, just waiting like sharks for a minnow.
Yet, I love reading them still. It's just so fun to see all those female celebrities that you can't stand because they're so gorgeous and you don't even know why you don't like them because it's not like ever did anything to you personally. But there they are on page 6, with their acne and wrinkles, and baggy eyes, looking like they just walked out of Fight Club. HA! Scarlett Johansson, I knew there was a reason for my hatred towards you. You are GROSS.
So there! that's why we like that...
Perfume
Girls, we like routine as much as guys, but our issue is that we have far more mood swings than the average male neanderthal. For example, if I wake up to go to the gym you better believe I am not going to put my $75 Calvin Klein perfume on. But I can't just go without putting anything on. So I get out the Bath & Body Work's spray. Hmm, sweet pea or vanilla? Am I feeling fun and frisky or sultry and laid back today? See, decisions.
Going out with the girls? Victoria's Secret scent.
Going out with beau? Dior time.
Going out with mom? Coconut Lime (my mom likes Vanilla, so my spray therefore compliments hers)
See, it's a whole process.
We think before we do.
The right scent can make the day either kick off well or badly. I really get hung up on that day that I wear my sexy scent yet, I'm in my women's lit class that has exactly two guys in it. So, yeah, no, that was a bad move.
Sad Movies
You ask me why I'd rather watch The Help than Transformers? Because it means something. It isn't just some movie about robotic alien toys fighting each other (really Louis Stevens as an action hero?..no). I'm not saying that's not entertaining. I'm just saying that occassionaly I like for my movies to make me think and come out of it with a lesson well learned.
You'd rather watch Mission Impossible than The Vow? Really? But Channing Tatum is in The Vow. Your reply, "he's gay".
Wow, good one...
At least the movies I want to see are realistic, boy. At least they aren't completely ridiculous concepts. That's fine for red box in a few months when it comes out, but if you want to get laid tonight, you're going to see New Years Eve with me, and that's final. And yes, I did cry at New Years Eve...do not judge me.
Makeup, Again
One more thing about make-up.
I find it so hilarious how we women will go out in public and be all like "ugh, I'm so disgusting, I'm not wearing any makeup!"
But really, you are.
You're wearing concealer so no one can see your zits, even if you're only going to Panera on a Monday afternoon, you're still wearing something on that face of yours. It's a sickness. We all do it. We live in constant fear that we'll run into that really cute guy we had a crush on in Middle School or that US Weekly is outside waiting to take our picture.
Dressing to Impress
I find myself pondering this question often. Why do we women feel the need to go out and buy those expensive pumps from the Jessica Simpson collection that are way, way too tall for us and that we'll only wear once? Why do we feel the need to go out and get those $40 yoga pants from VS? Why must we invest in all those mini skirts that are a little too slutty for us all?
Many would say this "Kaitie, we do it because we want to look hot"
And why do we want to look hot, though?
"To get a boyfriend..." one would think.
But no, it's not even that.
We're not wearing heels that are bigger than our heads, making us 6' 1" and therefore almost taller than the guy we are interested in anyways, for you guys. Sorry to say.
Maybe for some girls, and maybe sometimes, but not always.
Why should we dress up for guys when they're already and would rather picture us naked anyways? (most cases, this not all guys, I won't be THAT girl)
Then I tell myself, well obviously we're trying to impress each other.
This is kind of true.
Girls are constantly trying to out-do other girls, their "friends", their peers, slutty Becky dancing up on that pole without a care in the world. We want to be the cutest. We want our hair to look the best, our heels to be the most original, our skirts to show off our legs the best. We want it not for you, men, but for each other.
But to this, I even say no.
That's not right.
I personally don't care how I look compared to many others. I mean, I'll still wear the cute shoes and the cute outfits, but if I'm the only girl in jeans when every other girl is in a skirt, I'm not going to cry about it. I know I'm not the only one out there.
The simple fact of the matter is that we are doing it for ourselves, just like with the sexy bra thing, and the wearing makeup. We aren't dressing for anyone important, really. We want to feel good about ourselves in a social setting that is controlled by our peers. (so yeah, I guess it is to impress others, but you can't impress anyone without first feeling good about yourself..right?)
I really believe this.
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So alright, that was super long. Verging on too long. And if you made it this far, I really applaud you. Not sure how funny it was, but you know, it had to be said.
These are some of the things that guys pick on girls for, and girls pick on other girls for, all the time. We all have our things.
I figured since I totally scrutinized males in my "Men's Shoes" blog that this one would humble me. Maybe it seems artificial and stupid, but you know what, you don't have to like it. There's a lot more to everyone than all that madness. We (some) just like what we like as girls, and there's really nothing you can do to change it.
Until next time,
Kaitie
xo
**Also, I'm officially at 900 blog views! Thank you all so much! 100 more till 1,000. Craziness! :) **
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