But I did finally watch the absolutely useless episode in which we sat through four boring hometowns only for it to not even end with JoJo sending anyone home.
We begin this week's episode where last week's left off.
Who will JoJo send home?
Luke? Jordan? Robby? Chase?
They all look the same!!! I don't even know who is who anymore.
Then men are all very disturbed as Luke pulled her aside right before she started the rose ceremony to tell her he loves her. They thought he might have been going home. NOW IT'S ANYONE'S GAME.
Jordan gets the first rose.
No shock there.
He'll probably win. I don't even know how or why it matters anymore.
Robby gets the second rose. So she still has no problem with the fact that he's only been single three months. Very well.
The third and final rose.........
Who will it be?
the stress.
Chase is given the final rose, thus sending MY LOVE Luke home.
I can't say I'm not surprised that she saved Chase over Luke. Luke - who has been a front runner since the beginning, is going home over Chase who just recently learned how to formulate sentences.
It is very clear that everyone is in shock - especially Luke. JoJo doesn't even know what to say. Luke is super confused, and clearly just wants to get the hell out of there but JoJo just keeps trying to explain herself through sobs, "It's not that, I don't know what I want, I'm sorry, I'm going to miss you" she keeps saying.
OK...?
I'm mad.
Luke is LOVELY, and an American Hero and I AM SAD YOU GUYS.
Also, this is the most dramatic exit I've ever seen in Bachelor/ette history. So many lingering looks, so many tears, so much confusion. Mostly on my part, I guess.
"What if that was a mistake?" she asks the camera, and us I suppose. "I miss him!"
THEN WHY DID YOU SEND HIM HOME, YOU LUNATIC.
Suddenly, as if no time has passed, after a nice little commercial break we are amazingly in Thailand.
"It feels amazing to be here!" JoJo says happily, like she wasn't just sobbing two moments ago.
Wait, is this fantasy suite week???
"I'm hoping this week brings me clarity..." AND DICK.
She kicks it off with Robby, her sex partner.
"I've been completely honest with you since day one," says no honest guy ever, but whatever Robby.
Ugh, these last few episodes are sooo boring.
They have to pretend to be in love for real now and it's just all the same. We the viewers have to watch the same thing repeatedly for two hours.
JoJo reminds us that this time last season, she was with Ben and told him that he loved her...and he said it back. #Ridiculous
She knows what this date means.
Aside from the sex...there's also the whole 'time alone with no cameras' thing.
Robby pulls out a sweet note his dad apparently wrote for him during hometowns when he was downtrodden about JoJo finding out about his ex-girlfriend. "I want you to keep this," Robby tells JoJo in regards to the note, "just in case you forget."
and also so now you must feel bad if you want to send me home because now my fucking father is involved.
She offers him the fantasy suite date card signed from Papi H. Of course he says yes. These two have been wanting to get it on since day 1.
Robby just keeps saying, "you know how I feel about you."
Whatever, Robby.
Has anyone ever said 'no' to the fantasy date?
LOL
We move on to Jordan's date. JoJo takes Jordan on a hike. Ew.
They finally make it to the top and there's some creepy cave that they probably shouldn't be in.
The cave leads them to a temple in the middle of a cavern which is actually very cool. J informs us that they are not allowed to kiss in said temple. I wonder if they will break this rule?
They talk about their families, etc.
boring stuff.
"My brothers are super protective," she tells him. Yes. We remember from last season.
"Is this guy too good to be true?" JoJo asks.
The answer is YES.
JoJo begins to confront her fears about a relationship with Jordan YET AGAIN.
Same shit, different day.
She seems to give Jordan more crap for everything he says even though he says the same thing as all the other guys. Like, the producers are really trying to play the "overcoming hardship" angle with Jordan and JoJo.
I'm so over it.
"How do you know you love me?" she asks.
"Uh...I'm a better person with you? I feel different when I'm with you? I like who I am with you?"
Jordan just keeps trying any phrase that will work.
JoJo buys it and pulls out the fantasy suite invite from Papi H, who has literally become a pimp.
Jordan accepts. Because obviously.
JoJo shares with us what we already have known all along: that she is in love with Jordan.
Sorry JoJo, but no one is surprised.
"Waking up this morning I just had a smile on my face...." Jordan grins...."and a boner"
In a sick twist of fate, JoJo admits to us that she is in love with two people. I assume Robby and Jordan?
But she's just not sure.
Chase rolls up, ready for his date, in some moped that the producers surely gave him to make him seem more quirky and interesting.
I definitely think Chase had a few shots before this date because he's acting a little off the wall.
Playing with dead fish and shit.
no thanks
Chase is still the only one left pulling off that hairstyle, and I will stand by that.
Would prefer if he stopped talking about fish though.
As JoJo is preparing for her evening date with Chase, she hears a knock on the door, and it's...Robby? They make you think it's going to be Chase finally telling J he loves her.
JoJo is ridiculously surprised to the point where I am annoyed.
"I keep thinking of you, non-stop...I keep thinking of you, dreaming of you..."
OK Robby, stop creeping me out.
He leaves after professing his love...again. Jojo is very conflicted.
Chase and J head to their dinner and Chase is wearing a very weird see-through shirt that I'm not in love with. He tells JoJo that he is 100% in love with her, and that he is ready to carry the burden of that phrase for her. Cheeeeesy.
It's clear that JoJo is not feeeeeeeeeelin it.
She goes, "um can you hold on one minute I'll be right back."
And leaves.
What the hell, JoJo??
He's out of here, y'all.
"When you said that to me what I thought I would feel I didn't," she stutters, "I don't know if I'm in the same place as you."
what happened?
They had a great date together, I thought??
"I don't think spending this night together would be fair to you," she says.
"Uh, okay."
Chase is not pleased. I don't blame him. He just professed his love for her and this is how she responds??? How rude!
I mean I guess it's good she's being honest. But what is honesty really in terms of this show?
She has no idea what to say.
"Just stop," he sighs.
"Talk to me!" she cries.
"WHY?" he asked. "What do you want me to say? That was so terrifying of me to say."
I don't blame him at all. He has a right to be mad. She's been asking him to share his feelings and be more open and basically forced him to say he loves her. When he finally does she rejects him. Like, why pressure him so much if you're just going to turn him away?
This is sick.
Then she goes, "If we met outside of this and I didn't have any other relationships to compare it to you, I would be so happy and so lucky."
what?
Just stop.
you're making this worse, J.
I mean I get that she wants to be honest about her feelings, I do. I get her wanting to be fair to him, but it just sucks she made him jump through so many hoops.
Chase clearly doesn't handle rejection well. He is angry and upset. He doesn't cry though. Chad would be proud.
I don't get how JoJo can be so fucking upset and then bright and chipper the next day at the rose ceremony.
"I just feel really confident about these relationships that we have left."
Really?
Because Jordan and Robby are DOUCHEBAGS.
AND THEIR HAIR BOTHERS ME OK I SAID IT
AND I CAN NO LONGER TELL THEM APART.
And they're BOTH former pro athletes. Will that provide them for the rest of time? I'm confused. What kind of life will they live with JoJo?
During the rose ceremony, J begins telling Jordan and Robby how terrible she feels about sending Chase home and just as she is saying this, Chase conveniently STROLLS IN.
Chase pulls her away, "Can I talk you for a sec?"
dramatic music swells.
He's already gone.
She's not bringing him back. Everyone calm down.
He actually has a job so she's NOT interested.
Chase comes back to apologize for the way he behaved. He didn't want to end things that way.
OK Chase. You're not a great and interesting guy all of the sudden. You're not going to be the next bachelor....
I mean you're nice and all but I can't with him for a whole season.
TEAM CHAD4THEBACHELOR2016
He says she is great and knows she will make the right decision, blah, blah bull shit.
"When did falling in love get so HARD?" JoJo cries.
oh PLEASE bitch.
"It's so hard being in love with two men!"
LOL ok like the love I feel for both Jon Snow and Robb Stark?
And they're brothers.
*spoiler alert*
well not really.
I feel so bad for JoJo. Life's rough, man.
Well. I may or may not write tomorrow for the men tell all. I'm prepared to throw down for Chad.
If need be.
I just can't watch JoJo cry one more time. Not because I feel bad for her but I feel like Kourtney does towards Kim.
Until then,
Kaitie
xo
No comments:
Post a Comment