Tonight I'll be writing in the 'courier' font because I just feel like it. Also, I'm going to do my best not to curse in this blog. We shall see how long it lasts.
I just wanted to diverge away from The Bachelor for a night. I know, you're all very heartbroken.
I just want to talk about a few things I find troubling and see if I'm the only one.
Celeb Crushes Destroying Relationships
I'm not sure how I feel about this, which is perhaps why I'm writing about it. I just simply have not much reasoning on this one. What I find problematic about this is the following:
Women are allowed to talk about hot celebrity males as much as they want, BUT if the tables are turned and the boyfriend says how he thinks a female celebrity is hot, the girlfriend gets angry.
I'm not saying this is with all cases, but I find that it happens a lot.
Women can drool all over Channing Tatum, Bradley Cooper, Ryan Gosling, and in my case, Thorin the dwarf. Their boyfriends cannot say anything. All that happens is occassionally the man's jaw will tighten and he'll roll his eyes.
HOWEVER.
When a man is watching some irrelevant action movie and claims Jessica Biel is hot, the girlfriend becomes deeply offended.
"Really? Her? She's ugly!"
"Megan Fox looks like an old woman..."
"Carrie Underwood is so fake, how can you like her?"
"Yeah, she's pretty I guess, except for her yellow teeth."
"Rihanna is a whore. If you're into whores...then whatever, I guess."
or my favorite...
"Well, why don't you go date her then?" -storms off, slams door-
OBVIOUSLY nothing about any of these situations is realistc. None of us gals will ever get Mark Wahlberg (circa 1996) to fall in love with us, just like no guy is going to snag Emma Stone while getting a drink at BW3's on a Thursday night out with the 'dudes'.
I just want to know what the reason is for this. If anyone has an answer, let me know.
"Would you have sex with her...WOULD YOU?"
The "I Want to Marry Rich" Girl
Now, before I begin I just want to state that although I consider myself a mindful and aware person, as well as a feminist, I just want to say that I am in no way "hating" on women who want to just marry rich and enjoy life easily. That's fine. At least these women admit that they have no career ambitions and just want to get married.
Fine! Do it!
If that is what empowers you, then I'm glad you found it.
However, in my experience...(NOT IN ANY WAY SAYING EVERY GIRL WHO SAYS THIS IS LIKE THIS) the girls who MOSTLY say this "I am just in college to meet a guy, I just want to marry rich and live happily/comfortably" (or something to this variation) are the same girls who go to college dive bars every weekend and end up going home and blowing some freshman frat guy.
Alright...
If you are trying to find a rich husband, my first piece of advice is to stop dating/fucking (woops, I swore.) people who are younger than you and in most cases people your own age.
You are going to need to up the ante and go to a bar where drinks are more than $3 each.
Also, you might need to invest in something classier than a zebra sparkle top you got off the Express clearance rack.
Then, you are going to have to accept the fact that you will have to most likely look for someone with a receding hairline or is at least 28-35 years old. With the exclusion of attractive doctors--they are not looking for serious relationships, they know they are attractive and will screw as many girls as they can before they reach past their prime.
Also, you're going to have to learn to talk about other things besides drinking, partying, your major, college classes, and whatever you read on E!Online, or your Gender Studies text book.
Once again, I am in no way condemning this idea of finding a rich husband. KUDOS to you. BUT, ladies, be smart about it. There is no time to be wasted...the clock is ticking. You'll be graduating soon and you won't want to have to look for a job.
Yoda
What is he? Species wise..? I need to know. Thanks.
This is not Hugh Hefner.
Delivery Fees
Are they tips? Does this $7 salad I just bought have to turn into an $11 one because of tip/delivery fee?
"Fuck it, here's a five."
Benches Without Backs
This seems cruel to me. How can I rest here? I might as well sit on the floor.
Neck Scarves
Are we french? Is this 1962? Then I don't understand. Every time someone wears one of these, I just want to hand them a beret and a baguette.
Ice Skating
Who thought of getting a steel blade, attaching it to a shoe, then trying to balance on frozen water and do twirls originally?
For the record, I am a freak and unAmerican and do not find ice-skating fun or pleasing. Feeling the cold sweat, uncoordinated, and like at any moment I can lose all control over my body is not something I am fond of. Like my worst sexual nightmare.
Then the whole ankle sore thing afterwards and how many people have used those rental skates with their sweaty sock feet..?
I just...I can't.
Does anyone else feel this way about ice skating or am I alone? I feel alone so often.
Loud Talking Nerds
I'd like to state for the record that I consider myself pretty nerdy, but in like an "awkward-I-like-Harry-Potter-and-quote-Tolkien-daily" kind of nerd. Not the kind that will scream-argue with someone about Norse gods at a bus stop...in public, with various people around.
Have you ever noticed how some of the nerdiest people are also some of the loudest and most obnoxious?
And it wouldn't be so bad if they were nice people.
For example, I say how I only like plot-centered video games as opposed to ones where zombies come out and kill me (I don't like being surprised) and I get this judgemental smirk from Super-Dork over here like "So you've never played Halo?" in the most judgemental tone. Or when I ask someone whether they'd choose Batman or Wolverine first to save them and they get all condescending and say something like, "Well they're completely different realms of heroes..."
Or my favorite is trying to give my Skyrim character cute hair and my sister rolls her eyes, asking if I will ever stop designing characters and just play already.
Then I feel like I just don't belong.
I'm not cool enough.
But I'm not cool enough for cool people either.
I don't fit in anywhere.
Here I am...blogging about my sad life...
Loud Mean Super Dork:
Me:
Forever 21's Return Policy
I hate it and I just want it to change. Who wants to riot with me?
Hashtagging Everything
Hashtagging in general I find very strange. When people hashtag completely irrelevant things is when I get very confused.
Like:
"Single and ready to mingle! #lovingit #idontneedyou #yourpeniswassmallanyways #drunk"
or:
"Working out #legday #toomanywaffleslastnight #protein #pumped"
or:
"Having a lazy day, here is a pic of my slippers http://instagram #lounging #relaxation #nofilter" (why would you NEED to filter your slippers? I thought we only filtered our disgusting pale faces to make us look tanner..?)
or:
"It's snowing! #babyitscoldoutside #cuddlingweather #hotcocoa #winterwonderland"
JUST STOP. I DON'T GET IT.
Claire Danes' Facial Expressions
How does she do it?
People who Shipped Rachel/Joey
What..? #rachelandross4eva
Wax Lips/Bottles
I just don't feel comfortable consuming these..
Justin Bieber
What is he? Species wise..? I need to know. Thanks.
That's all for tonight.
Hope you liked, if not...well, get over yourself.
Until next time (Bachelor Monday),
Kaitie
xo
Also....
Some wise words from Justin Bobby
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