Like I should really be writing a blog right now..

Hey all! So it's that time of year..when all the classes are winding down (?) and we are examined on our knowledge of absolutely everything we supposedly learned throughout the semester.
It's even harder because it's May and the promise of summer is looming ever so close. I can almost taste it.
But first, we all must endure hell.
I don't understand why every single class instructor decides that all of the big papers and project are due the very last week of classes. It makes it very difficult to even think about finals, which consist of most of our grade anyways.
Then finals come and I feel like there's really no point in even studying because if you don't know it by now, you most likely will not learn it all in a few days...
But I lie to myself and study my butt off anyway...or at least pretend I do.

Instead of studying, I've found some really healthy and important tools of procrastination that I think are very productive. Everyone should do the following:

1- Facebook: obvious
2- Twitter: also obvious
3- Pintrest
4- Tumblr (don't even have one, and I go on...)
5- Cracked/HelloGiggles/etc.
6- Organize file folder under MyDocuments
7- Once you have done every possible thing on your computer, including checking imdb and yahoo...you realize that you're wasting time...so you decide to do something productive and you make cupcakes.
8- Decorate cupcakes
9- Eat Cupcakes

NOM NOM NOM

10- Organize jewelry (untangle necklaces)
11- Watch yet another episode of Khloe and Lamar

Their love is unbreakable

12- Anything on TLC...

I feel a lot better about that gay guy that I made out with in 7th grade..

13- Exercise
14- Clean your kitchen
15- Make soup
16- Eat soup
17- Re-clean your kitchen
18- Clean your bathroom
19- brush your hair
20- braid your hair

"Well I can do a Katniss braid, so I'm better than you at life.."

21- Facebook
22- Laundry
23- Wash whites
24- Wash darks
25- Eat candy
26- Eat candy while on Pintrest and looking at the "Fitness" pins
27- Cry at how fat you are

If all else fails, there is always plastic surgery.

28- exercise again
29- Start reading "The Lucky One" only because you are hoping Zac Efron's butt is in it somewhere

Zac Efron says you don't need to study, you just have to look deep into his ocean blue eyes and everything will be alright in the world again.

30- Clean off desk
31- Do nails while watching Jenna Marbles on Youtube

Land shark

32- Walk around in high heels and dance to songs on your iPod
33- Be the voice of your generation and start writing that novel
34- Make a Lean Cuisine

The best part about it is that it doesn't matter which flavor you choose! They're all made of 100% sodium and taste like the box! Woo!

35- Are still hungy, eat cookies
36- Popcorn then cookies
37- Cry at fatness
38- Do 800 sit ups
39- Shower (you're really sweaty at this point...but accomplished, obviously)
40- You've messed up your newly painted nails, so re-paint
41- While watching some random shark attack movie on Netflix that you've had on your watch list for quite some time..

Land shark...hmm...that reminds me...

42- Facebook
43- Call home
44- Update your playlist on iPod
45- Eat frozen yogurt...is way healthier than ice cream
46- Eat chocolate covered pretzels
47- Play the Sims

"Will you marry me?"..."Hmm....only if you make me eggs.."

48- Re-read Cosmo
49- Laugh at sex secrets...but actually are mentally taking notes for future reference
50- Learn to play the harmonica
51- Write this blog.
52- Quick check of Facebook/Twitter/Pintrest/Tumblr/E-mail
53- make notecards for final
54- repeat steps 1-53....
55- sleep a lot
56- study for about an hour
57- take final

Morgan Freeman says "Good Job", you passed college.

YOU'RE WELCOME.
Good luck.

Until next time,
Kaitie
xo

Things That Probably Shouldn't Be Done in Public

Hello everyone. I know, I know...I've been absolutely awful. Over two months since my last blog post. Trust me, I've been torn up about it. A lot has been happening to me personally the past few months that I definitely won't bore you all with here, but I'm going to hopefully try and be back from this point forward!

Tonight I just really want to talk about some awkward things (shocker) that people do in public.

Like, can we just talk about this??
Why is it that when we're walking around on our way to work, class, home, etc. and we see people doing weird stuff and all we can manage to do is get out our cell phone and pretend like we don't see what's happening?

Some people in society are strange.
And if you are one of these people, just be aware that...yes, we are judging you.

1st:
Walking Barefoot--
I need someone to explain. I understand that sometimes people do this for a cause for the children in 3rd world countries who do not have shoes. And that is awesome! But....what about the rest of you..?
I know that not everyone is doing it for a greater good.
What I wish people would do is wear a very tiny sign (maybe even just a post it note) describing to the world, briefly, why you are...in fact...barefoot.
Sometimes a flip flop breaks. Sometimes your gym shoes get stolen out of the locker. And sometimes you are just a freaking weirdo.
I still would like to know.

2nd:
Filing your nails or painting them--
Is your life really just so terribly busy that you feel the need to bust out the manicure kit at Starbucks and have at it?
I mean, what if people are allergic to the smell?
What if we don't want your grimy nail file remnants and DNA all over us to breathe in?
I'm just saying, ladies, that if you want to do your nails and absolutely 100% must must must do them in public for whatever reason, can you go to the restroom or something?

3rd:
Singing--
Now, let me be the first to say that I'm guilty of this. We all are. More specifically music majors. We will let it slide for you.
I want to know though, these people who are listening to their iPods, alone...without anyone else around them, belting out Katy Perry's latest hit "Teenage Dream"(or is it "The One That Got Away"..or "Part of Me"..or "Firework"..oh wait, I can't tell because all of her songs sound literally the same).
I personally love turning up the iPod, turning on the TSwift, and shaking my booty around the living room when no one is home while pretending to dust or something. HOWEVER. That is in the privacy of my own home where only my dog gets a free ticket.
When I'm waiting at the bus stop, I don't really want to hear your rendition of "Tik Tok". It makes you seem weird, but most importantly, it makes me feel very, very uncomfortable.
I don't care if you're good or not..it is just too much for me to handle.
The only possible solution I can think to solve this is by simply starting to sing along and seeing the other person's reaction. Hey, maybe you can make a new friend.

(Special Note: Guys who rap words along with their MP3 player and mumble most of it, I've got news for you...you're not the next Kanye. And also, to any girl who can fully rap a Nicki Minaj song, yes, I am impressed, but no, I don't think you should pursue a career in it..FU**IN LITTLE WHOOORES FU**IN UP MY DECOOORS, COULDN'T GET MICHAEL KORS IF YOU WAS FU**ING MICHAEL KOOOORS!!!! )

4th:
Fighting on the phone--
I can't even begin to describe in words how just absolutely annoying people are who do this. And why do the people that do this decide that the best place to do so is in a Library or in line at the grocery store?
None of us want to hear about how you have been "taking the garbage out for weeks and Stephanie hasn't done shit!"
And what happens when I do agree with your boyfriend that yes, watching "Mad Men" is more important than picking you up brownie mix? DO IT YOURSELF, LAZY!
That just puts me in an uncomfortable position on many levels.
Like what are we supposed to do, just pretend we aren't listening? Just pretend we don't hear you go on, and on, and on about how your significant other "needs to get a real job" and that he "loves the dog" more than you? I can't just pretend!
What happens when you hang up the phone and we're still around? Are we supposed to just turn to you and be like, "I feel your pain" or "Stop bitching"?
I'm not sure.
So until we can figure out how to handle it, save the private phone convos for your home..in your bedroom, with the door closed...

5th:
Farting--
No, it's just never okay.
Go to the bathroom and fire the missile, don't subject the rest of us to it.

6th:
Blowing bubbles--
This did actually happen to me recently. I was walking around on campus (with a bunch of presumably 18-23 year olds) when I see a girl blowing bubbles...you know, with a big bubble blower thing (it was actually kind of cool..)
However, it was raining.
She was alone.
And she had to have been at least 20 or so.
I don't think it's necessary to be blowing bubbles by yourself in the middle of a college campus for no apparent reason except pleasure.
Maybe you could do it in your own yard...?
Or...like...never...since you're not 6 years old.

7th:
Pick a wedgie--
We can all see you doing it.
Simple solution: no more underwear.
You...are...welcome.

8th:
Eat Sun Chips (in class specifically)--
Why do they make those bags so loud? And must chips be both the most delicious food and the loudest to consume?! WHY?!!? D:
Is it just so that absolutely everyone knows that we are fatasses and consuming chips?

Brian Williams says "STFU SUNCHIPS"

9th:
Eat a popsicle--
We all know why... ;)

10th:
Anything sexual of any kind, including eating a popsicle ^^--
Just, God, please, no.
I've seen enough by watching HBO. I don't need to see your real-life and awkward rendition, too.

11th:
Change or take out any piercings--
This one actually happens a lot. With ears, I guess it's no big deal, but when girls start lifting up their shirts and effing around with their belly button rings I'm just like COME ON.
I'm no prude.
But a- you're either trying to show off your ridiculously great stomach that I'm jealous of and want desperately or b- you really need to put that away honey.
The same applies for tongue rings and eyebrow rings...mainly because it gives me the willies.

12th:
Wear white pajama pants--
It's just a really bad idea for all.

13th:
Wear clothes with animals on them--
I have turtle boxers that I absolutely love. Would I ever wear them in public? No.
No one gets me!!! that's why..

14th:
Eat buffalo chicken wings or ribs--
I just can't enjoy it as much when I know people are watching me go to town on this food that reverts me back to a carnivorous cavewoman. But you should see me eat corn on the cob when I'm alone. I annihilate.

                                        ^What we hope to       ^What we ALWAYS
                                           look like                     look like, instead

15th:
Take pictures of yourself..and only yourself--
Sigh.
We can all see you doing it.
At least do what all the other girls do and go home and take the mirror pic.

Well, that's about all I can think of.
If anyone thinks of something really funny or something more, please let me know. I would love to add your input because I'm sure you're not alone.

Sorry if this "comeback" blog post disappointed.
I'm going to try to get back in the swing of things.

Love you, monsters...

xo
Kaitie

Awkward Things of Life: Zumba

Oh, hi! I hope that everyone is having a good week. Tomorrow is Thursday, and then, you know, it's Friday. So yay for life.

Tonight I just want to talk about something that I find to  be extremely comical. Work out classes...most specifically, Zumba classes.

Right now I'm taking a Zumba class for one credit hour. I like Zumba and I like dancing, so I figured...hey, why not?

First off, I went into this class alone so that automatically puts the "awkward girl" mark on me. But I was pleased to discover that I was not the most awkward person in the room, in fact, I was far from it.

My question is, why are Zumba teachers/instructors always so happy? How do they manage to keep a smile on their face and shout out directions like a Nazi all at once? How do they make the Cha-Cha look so easy?! Most importantly, why do I feel like she's singling me out when she starts with the "pick it up ladies!" talk?

Next concern. People who stand in the front row.
I don't get it.
I mean, I can see if you're good at it and you've done the class before/are some sort of Zumba dance guru. But I'm not kidding all the girls in the front row are so full of themselves. Sometimes, yes, you get put up there unvoluntarily and it's all just a huge situation for you. But for the most part, these girls should not be up there. One girl looks like a she's having some sort of seizure or something. The other one is trying way too hard. And then there's this one that messes up all the moves. Then there's this one girl on the end who just thinks shaking her stuff as hard and fast as possible is the best way. It's frightening. 

Yes..this is what I look like at Zumba.

Who am I to judge though? I look like a hot mess when I Zumba dance also. I am, in fact, white. I swear, white girls just can't always do it like everyone else. It's almost comical. I mean it almost looks like these white girls just drank too much and are starting to get really weird and dancy. You know how it goes. You have one too many at the club and instead of being "sexy" you start getting weird and doing interpretive dances and waving your hands around like an orangatang.

It is very hard to stand and dance around in a class and not look like a complete and utter moron.

Then you've got like this crazy music that you can't understand anything from except "nosotros" which you learned in 10th grade Spanish class. And don't even get me started on the cool down music which sounds like something from a Mexican porno.

If I were to walk by a Zumba dance/fitness class, I would definitely laugh because there is always that girl that is a few steps behind...usually it would only be me, but luckily in this class I am not alone in my awkwardness. Ah, comradarie. It feels good to be with others like me.

So to awkward girls who can't move their hips at the same rate as they move their feet, I say, welcome, welcome to my club.

Until next time,

Kaitie
xo